everyday miracles

snow angel

2012-01-26T19:08:00.000-05:00

Aside from the freakish snow storm we got in October (that knocked trees and fences down and killed everyone's electricity for a week!), the snow this winter has been abnormally light - which suits me just fine! I don't mind snow as long as it melts after a few days. But a typical January up here usually means PILES of snow for weeks and weeks before the temps get warm enough to melt it. But like I said, so far, that hasn't been a problem..... yet.

Ethan hasn't been a fan of snow in years past. But this year he's been all about it!! And at the first sign of snow last week, he couldn't get his coat and gloves on fast enough. He saw someone make a snow angel on a Christmas movie and he wanted his chance! I thought his efforts were super cute! And he was so proud of himself.

And I was secretly happy to finally put some use to the snow boots I buy him every year!

Can it be?

2012-01-23T05:00:00.000-05:00

Can it really have been 4 years ago?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 5:10pm

2008 was a long year for you and our family.

You've certainly been through quite a lot in your little life...

(here at 3 months old at Connecticut Children's Hospital)

(and here at 6 months old in Boston Children's Hospital)

... but oh the miracles we've seen!

This was us celebrating your FIRST birthday!!

Such a beautiful day it was... you were one year old

AND in full remission of cancer!

We made up for lost time in 2009! As you can see on the pictures below,

mommy's camera had the wrong date stamp on it,

because you were just a baby in June 2008 - in a hospital bed, very sick.

However, June 2009, you were a lively little boy,

very excited with curiosity!

As a two year old in 2010 you kept us laughing!

For example, you were obsessed with putting stickers EVERY WHERE!

We got to participate in so many wonderful things.

We started our tradition of going out to eat after church each Sunday

AND you were invited to be the Leukemia and

Lymphoma Society's Boy of the Year. The folks at one of the

events got such a kick out of you and your footed pajamas!

But it was a LATE night, so we were getting you ready

for bed before we headed back home.

And 2011 - wow, what a vibrant three year old you were!

You started talking and saying some of the cutest things. You're so smart in what you can remember and comprehend. It amazes us! There was potty training, painting, trips to the library, preschool and our annual Leukemia Lymphoma Cancer Walk.

(And SO much more!)

And here we are today... 2012 and you are four years old. My little baby is four years old. I can't guarantee a lot in this life time, but I can guarantee you this, sweet boy, every year that this day comes around you will see your mommy crying. Just as I am as a I type these words. Not because I'm sad that you're growing up, but instead, crying in amazement that you ARE. They told us you had a 20% chance of surviving the type of leukemia you had. I didn't know if I'd ever see you walk. Or talk. Or swing a bat. Or shoot a basketball. Or go to preschool. Or play with friends. Or sleep in a "big boy" bed. Or grow up. And by the grace of God, I've seen you do all of those things and more...

You LOVE to pretend you're the church choir director. You will open any book you can find and pretend it's a hymnal and you'll just make up words and act like you're sitting in the choir. You love to talk with daddy about all of the UCONN basketball players. You know all of their names and jersey numbers, and when they are playing a game on TV, you watch intently just like your daddy does. You ask him a million questions about the boys and the plays they are doing. You love to watch football with daddy, too. Right now, you say you're favorite team is the 49'ers. But we think you only say this because you love getting a rise out of daddy when you know he wants you to say the Giants!

You help put away the groceries. You love to make everything a contest (because you are quite competitive!). You love hide-n-seek. You're still a picky eater. You like to draw, but not necessarily like to color. You love to play with train tracks and race cars. You're obsessed with playing baseball, basketball, soccer, football - basically anything that lets you throw, hit or kick a ball! You love to make a tower with your books as you're finished reading them. You don't drink anything but water - you don't like milk or juice. You're about to have tubes put in your ears and your adenoids taken out as a result of the 8 ear infections you've had over the last year. You also had surgery to remove a cyst/tumor from your shoulder last year. You're always so brave. You go to bed around 8pm and you wake up at 6 AM every day (but you do still take a nap - thankfully!)

I have to laugh, because the older you get the more you're proving to be a strong-willed child - clearly that's the survivor in you! And though it's challenging some days for us to train that "will" into the right framework (yes I am fully stocked on all kinds of trusted resources and reading materials and prayer to help!), you are showing us every day how smart (you don't forget a thing!), feisty, compassionate, tough, fun-loving, structured (you are extremely routine-oriented!) and determined you are. All of which will be great assets in your future. Anytime you get in trouble, you always ask if we will forgive you. You cannot put yourself back at ease without asking us, "Mommy, are you happy?" or "Daddy, are you happy?". You have a strong desire for that relationship to be restored. It tells me so much about your heart. You've taught me so much about myself - and the love and mercy of God - and you're only four years old. Oh what must be in store for us in the future! I can already tell you how much I'm going to love 2012. I mean, it's the last time you'll ever be this age! And with the spunk you bring to each day... well, let's just say, I am fully stocked on caffeine and I'm ready for all of the memory-making!

Happy Birthday, Ethan! We love you so much!!

And we indeed thank God for your life, this day, and every day.

the simple truth

2012-01-13T20:09:00.002-05:00

I received this via email from a friend. I don't always have time to read through the various "forwards" I get, but I did happen to take the time to read this one. And it's just simple enough to actually be quite poignant. I hope it encourages you to remember that God's plan may not always make sense, and may even seem unfair at times, but His love is in His plan and He's always working with our best interest. Always.

For instance....

A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who, in
all circumstances, said: My king, do not be discouraged, because
everything God does is perfect, no mistakes!

One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked the
king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent his
majesty losing a finger.

Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the nobleman
said "Is God good? If He was good, I would not have been attacked and
lost my finger."

The slave replied only "My king, despite all these things, I can only
tell you that God is good,and he knows the "why" of all these things.

What God does is perfect. He is never wrong!"

Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.

Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who made
human sacrifices.
As the savage was ready to sacrifice the noble on the altar, he saw that the
victim had a missing finger. They released the noble: they could not offer
an imperfect body to the gods.

Upon his return to the palace, the noble authorized the release of his slaveand he received him very affectionately.

My dear, God was really good for me! I was almost killed by the wild
men, but for lack of a single finger, I was let go! But I have a
question: If God is so good, why did he allow me to put you in jail?

My King, if I had gone with you in this hunt, I would have been
sacrificed for you, because I have no missing finger.

Therefore, remember: everything God does is perfect. He is never wrong.

Often we complain about life and things that happen to us apparently
negative, forgetting that nothing is random and that everything has a purpose.

Crazy Confessions

2012-01-08T15:33:00.000-05:00

Let's keep it light today. How about a few of my crazy confessions.

1. I apparently cannot stand still. Whether I'm holding Ethan, or standing in line by myself - I sway. I just kind of rock back and forth. Every single time. I don't know why this is.

2. I put salt on my food before tasting it. I mean no offense to the chef, it's just that I know no sane person would make their food as salty as I prefer it. And it have a mini panic attack when we happen to be at a fine dining establishment - you know, the kind that has only a white linen table cloth and NO salt or pepper shakers on the table. Oh and as a side note, my blood pressure hasn't been wrecked (as of yet) due to my addiction.

3. I take Fish Oil, Magnesium, and Melatonin (at night) supplements every day.

4. I could watch re-runs of Psych, Gilmore Girls and NCIS all day any day.

5. I can get caught up in those home renovation shows on HGTV and immediately have a desire to repaint a room, buy some shelves, and/or rearrange furniture. This happened recently and as a result I painted an accent wall in Ethan's bedroom, rearranged his playroom, put together a new coffee table & entertainment center AND organized a closet. (As a rule, I can tend to procrastinate in nearly every area of my life - however, when I get on one of my "missions" - thanks to HGTV or whatever else - I don't stop until the vision in my head in complete. My husband is often impressed and perplexed by my strange and sporadic determination!)

6. I've said this before but, it needs repeating - I read WAY to many books at once!

7. My husband and I are addicted to my chicken parmigiana recipe. So simple, but sooooooo delicious! My secret lies within the breadcrumb ingredients, and that I use two different pasta sauces, oh and only use thinly sliced chicken breasts. My mouth is watering already!

8. I am very much an "out of sight, out of mind" type of person. Not with people or memories. I can remember every single experience with people from my past. I can remember what I wore to my highschool banquets. I can remember all kinds of crazy stuff that happened 5, 10, 20 years ago and the people who were with me at the time. However, I will most certainly forget to do something if it's not on a post-it note stuck to our back door. I will forget about some leftover food in the fridge if it's not in my line of vision any time I open the door. I will forget anything I need/want to do on a particular day if it's not written down. I will forget to take my medicine if it's not on the kitchen counter staring me in the face. I teach the 2 and 3 year old class at our church each week (and have for the past 2 years) however, I will still forget to take my teaching lesson materials with me to church, if it's not on the table next to my purse the night before. If it's not in my sight, I will forget about it. So if you're ever at my house and see a few post-it notes on our back door, please don't take one off - because I will most likely forget whatever it was I wrote on there and PLEASE don't move my planner/calendar out of it's spot on our counter, because if I don't see what appointment (or whatever) is written down for that day, I'm sure disaster will follow as a result.

That's all, folks...

One word.

2012-01-05T05:00:00.000-05:00

I no longer make a list of New Year's resolutions. I never stick to them simply because it's a new year or a fresh start. Because the truth is, if I didn't make any of those goals a priority this past year (past month, or even past week!) then I'm not likely to all of a sudden START doing them just because the calendar says it's a new year. (I'm not always the most disciplined or most motivated!)

However, I have decided to come up with one word. Just one word that will help me focus on something that I truly want to do differently in the year ahead. For instance, instead of resolving to work out 5 days a week, diet the other 2, and no longer eat chocolate.... simply make your one word be "fitness" or "healthy". And just make mental adjustments throughout your week to make a small step towards that word.

I've been thinking about what it is about myself I don't like very much, and thus what would my "one word" be. I get stressed a lot, so I thought my word should be "joy" or "gratitude". So that when I feel overwhelmed or disgruntled I'd force myself to find the joy in the situation or be grateful for all the good no matter of the bad.

But the more I've thought about it, the more I come back to "love". Being a mom and a wife, I can lose my patience quite quickly. (More so as a mother!) I don't know what it is about raising a preschooler that sometimes brings out the worst in me.... and in turn, I'm not in a "loving" frame of mind with the aforementioned preschooler and it trickles down into my relationship with my husband as well. So there it is, my one word for this year is Love. And in the heat of the moment when my patience is thin; my discouragement is at an all time high; my exhaustion has peaked.... I will remember my one word goal for this year - and (hopefully) I take a deep breath, and remember that I am wanting to change the way I respond to certain situations. I want provide a consistently loving environment for my family. And no matter the element of surprise that can slide into a day and cause a sort of destruction, I am still responsible for how I handle it.

Of course, there are plenty of words I could focus on that need improvement in my life, but let's hope I've got many more years ahead to tend to those areas!

(And just in case you're wondering just "how" I intend to be more loving this year.... this is my guideline - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Praying for God's strength to equip me to illustrate Love to those around me.

Whirlwind!

2011-12-31T12:26:00.004-05:00

Wow.... yep, that about sums up the last 8 days!

Wow.

We traveled to Texas this year for Christmas to see all of my family and part of Adam's family (he has two sisters that moved to Texas in recent years). Ethan was super excited to be going on an airplane again, and he did great. He got so many smiles from fellow passengers as he walked through the airport with his carry-on items.

And as we were getting ready to board the plane, he kept asking why he couldn't be the "line leader" and go first, but we had to wait our turn and he kept counting all the people in line until it was our turn to go.

As we walked onto the plane, instead of turning right to walk towards our seat, Ethan turned left and headed for the cockpit. It was so funny and the flight attendants just let him walk right in. The pilot and co-pilot were so sweet to him and let him look at all of their gadgets. I wish I had a picture of that!!

During the 4 hour flight, he enjoyed his dvd's, his vtech Innotab, his snacks, and mommy's lap for about an hour's worth of a nap. He did really great. I, on the other hand, get very restless on that 4 hour flight! I don't think I could ever go overseas!!

Ethan got to meet nine of his cousins - two of which were newest additions!

My sister's baby - Leighton (just over 2 months old)

And Adam's sister's baby - Levi (one month old)

I loved watching my hubby and son interact with my sister's family - and my extended family! We sure miss everyone down in the Lone Star State so very much and were so thankful we got to hug all of their necks. The only bad news is that as we arrived back home Thursday night, Ethan was very sick. Thankfully, we were able to get an appointment early yesterday morning with his pediatrician and we found out that our little man has a double ear infection AND pneumonia! My goodness! So thankful for antibiotics!!!

Anyway, we are getting back to normal around here. LOTS of unpacking. LOTS of laundry. But so worth it!

As for today being New Year's Eve? Yeah, that doesn't really mean much to me at this stage in my life. When you have a tot who wakes up around 5:30 or 6:00 every day, staying up past midnight to "ring in the new year" just loses a bit of luster.... I cherish sleep too much! However, I do look back on 2011 with gratitude and look forward to 2012 with anticipation of all that is to come!

Happy New Year, everyone! And if you're awake at midnight tonight, have a Dr. Pepper for me!

XOXO

If this time of year has more tears than smiles...

2011-12-21T11:20:00.001-05:00

While many of us are experiencing crazy-but-happy anticipation for Christmas... I do understand that this time of year can often bring more tears than joy for some people. I read this post today and I couldn't have illustrated my feelings, for those that are hurting when the holidays come around, better than this author so I thought I would simply guide you to the post itself.

Here's a portion of the author's words, just click the link to read the rest of her beautiful insight.

"We’ll soon celebrate Christmas once again. For many, it’s a time of appreciation and joy. For others, it can be one of the most difficult days of the year. This is often true for women facing infertility, families who have recently experienced the loss of a mother, and many other painful situations...."

Click here: http://www.themomcreative.com/2011/12/guest-post-when-the-holidays-are-hard.html

We Miss You a Merry Chrithmath!

2011-12-16T10:02:00.002-05:00

Ethan has enjoyed learning and singing Christmas carols this year and it's super cute because most of the time he gets the words wrong, but he doesn't know that they're wrong.... which makes it even more adorable.

Here is a little video peek into his version of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas".

Here's what he is saying/singing....

"We Miss You a Merry Chrithmas, We Miss You a Merry Christhmas and a Happy No Year. We're trying this year wherever you are, we're trying for the Chrithmas and a happy no year!"

So.... from our family to yours, We Miss You A Merry Chrithmath and a Happy No Year!

Our Countdown to Christmas!

2011-12-10T08:50:00.001-05:00

Ethan is at a fun age for this holiday season. So I decided to use the popular trend of an Advent Calendar with him this year. My goal was to help bring Christmas alive to him in small tangible ways, while also incorporating anticipation and joy all at the same time.

And he has loved it!

I found this calendar back in November in the dollar section of Target. (It was actually $2.50 - not sure if they still have them) And it's perfect for what I was wanting. Each day when we wake up, Ethan moves the candy cane from the previous day/date to the current day/date. And even if we don't have a special "activity" planned for that day, he is just excited to move the candy cane!

Now, as for the special activities that we have been doing in conjunction with our Advent calendar...

The first night, we went looking at Christmas lights at this LARGE display that goes up every year in Massachusetts - which isn't far from us - and it's so beautiful to drive through!

Another activity we did was this craft project I found at Target ($5). Ethan had been wanting a tree for his bedroom and when I saw this foam tree I knew it would be perfect. It came with foam ornament stickers that Ethan got to put all over the tree to decorate it. He LOVES crafts so he had fun with this one!

Another day we made these cute little penguin ornaments - also from Target ($2).

Then of course, we put them on the tree!

On days that we haven't had time for an actual activity, I tried to make lunch fun by making grilled cheese sandwiches then using a Christmas tree or star cookie cutter to cut them into Christmas shapes. I also used the cookie cutters on his toast and his pop tarts as a little breakfast surprise!

Or I had small little gifts on hand to give him. I gave him these Christmas stickers not knowing he'd put them all of his face! However, it's all in the name of memory-making fun so this actually fit right in, don't ya think??

I hope that amid the craziness you are finding special ways to make this time of year special for you and your family. And don't buy into the pressure or the fairytale that everything has to be perfect in order for this time of year to be perfect.

I've had several migraine attacks in the last few weeks that have left me in terrible pain to the point of not even being able to get out of bed for 12 to 17 hours, then there's the days of tantrums (from Ethan AND me!) and just the yuck of normal everyday life that can creep into our days... life isn't perfect.

But do what you can to make a moment special.

To make a moment memorable.

And hopefully when you look back over the years, your Christmas memories will be about stickers all over their faces, handmade ornaments on the tree, and cookie cutter sandwiches.... and the "yuck" simply won't stand out because the fun was much more outstanding!

Latest Ethan Conversations

2011-12-01T21:12:00.001-05:00

Ethan got in trouble for having a bad attitude when I told him he couldn't do something. Afterwards, I said do you want to be a brat or a good boy? He said in all seriousness and innocence, "I can be a good brat?"

Ethan is obsessed with my "Big Bible". He always opens it and pretends that he's reading verses (mostly ones he's learned at church). And today he wanted to bring it with him in the car on the way to school. He opened it and said, "God said no pushing. It is not good to be pushing. Bible say no pushing." I'm assuming this is his way of reminding himself of the lesson he had to learn yesterday at the park!

"Mommy, guess what I want for Christmas?" What, honey? "An apple". Just an apple, no toys? "No, not toys, just an apple. That's all." (side note: Adam and I had a good giggle about this until someone pointed out that he may have meant a Mac!)

On our way to church the other morning, Ethan said, "Mommy, Jesus and God live in Heaven"? Yes that's right, very good! A few minutes later.... "mommy, where is heaven"? It's way up in the sky far, far above all of the clouds. A few minutes later.... "mommy, we go on a airpwane for Christmas"? That's right! "YAY, Mommy! Then we can see heaven!!!" (He was heartbroken when Adam and I tried to explain that he wouldn't be able to see Jesus from the airplane.)

"Daddy is a great man, mommy! And he a big one man too. One day I will get bigger and be a big man too, wite mommy?"

When my sister was pregnant with her baby, Ethan saw a picture of her pregnant belly and I explained in very simplistic ways that there was a baby in there. He seemed to accept this information with no problem. A few weeks later we were waiting at a restaurant and he saw another pregnant lady and said, "momma look! she got a baby in her tummy!" The woman thought it was really sweet. Fast forward a few weeks after that and we were at the dermatologist office for Ethan's consultation for a cyst that needed to be removed. A rather large woman walked by and Ethan squeeled, "Mommy! She got a baby in her tummy, too!". Which in fact, she did not. Oh, and the waiting room was extremely quiet at the time so everyone could hear my child's proclamation. Oh, and did I mention the lady was the RECEPTIONIST that we had to check in with?! Yeah. Delightful. I (immediately and quietly) explained to Ethan that not every "big tummy" has a baby in it.

Pictures

2011-11-27T13:46:00.001-05:00

I was going through my cell phone and realized I have A LOT of pictures in that I needed to transfer to my computer. Upon which, I thought I'd post a few here on the good ole' blog.

My little man enjoying himself at Cracker Barrel,
Cold Stone Creamery, and Chili's.

During the summer I try to have various crafts on hand for him to do.

Painting this race car was one of his favorites.

Ethan helping Daddy blow out his "32" candles last May.

There is an AWESOME Children's Library near us

and Ethan LOVES going there

(here's a small glimpse as to why he has so much fun there)!

Ethan helped make my birthday cake this year

AND he helped me blow out my "31" candles!

(In case you didn't notice, this kid LOVES to blow out candles...

whether they are HIS or not :)

Ethan and some of his cousins enjoying their

Thanksgiving feast at my inlaw's house a couple of days ago.

Then they got bundled up to go play football outside!

Going back through all the cell phone pictures made me

remember just how fast he is growing up.

This picture was when he was 2 1/2 years old

and was trying to feed Buzz Lightyear one of his goldfish crackers.

And here he is now, just 2 months shy of turning four years old.

No matter how big he gets though, he will always be my baby.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest,

and may our meal by You be blest.

—Martin Luther, 1483–1546

Ever so thankful...

2011-11-21T06:45:00.000-05:00

For health and food
For love and friends;
For everything Thy goodness sends
We thank Thee [God].

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803–1882

Putting vanity aside...

2011-11-18T10:22:00.001-05:00

I had probably the most memorable birthday of my life. I spent the day at the Women of Faith conference that just so happened to be in town the weekend of my birthday. Let me just tell you, I had been anticipating this event ALL YEAR! I always enjoy (and get so much out of) the WOF conference, but THIS year (and on my birthday, no less!) my favorite blogger/writer/author was going to be one of the speakers. I kid you not, my heart stopped when I found out she was going to be at this event. So yes, I was indeed anticipating it all year long!

So... November 11, 2011 FINALLY arrived and all I wanted for my birthday (as cheesy as that sounds) was the opportunity to meet this hero of mine. I wasn't sure how I could get it to happen, but I kept praying an opportunity would present itself.

Then....

The night was almost over and they were giving a bit of an intermission during the evening portion of the conference.

This was it. My last chance to try and "catch" this lovely lady before security would usher her backstage.

I built the covert operation in my mind. I saw the path I'd have to dart down in order to get to her in time. I had a split second of questioning myself, thinking "this is crazy"! But adrenaline overtook... down the stairs and across the arena I went! I got to the aisle she was about to walk down and I reached out and tapped her on the arm. My heart was literally racing harder than it would if I were running a marathon!

She looked at me and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

I said, "I do not want to bother you, but I just wanted to say hi, is that ok??" She was so gracious. She said "Yes, of course that's ok! Thank you! But I will say security usually pulls us away pretty quickly, so I apologize if they cut this short." I seized the opportunity and talked fast! I went on to tell her (in blubbering mess kind of a way) how much she had encouraged me during the trial of Ethan's leukemia days. She had lost her baby on the day before we got Ethan's cancer diagnosis. She blogged her way through the pain and many readers, like myself, had our faith propelled by her strength.

(As many of you can probably relate, when you follow a person's blog for many years, you feel as if you're a part of their life. Like long lost friends, even though you've actually never met!)

I went on to tell her that I've read both of her books and have even given copies of each to friends of mine that I though would be blessed by her experiences. She was so awesome, she even asked the security lady to give us a few more minutes! (Talk about adding to my freaking out!!) She hugged me twice, signed my book AND asked me if I wanted a picture with her.

Who you ask? Oh, you know, just Angie Smith!

If you have read her blog (Bring the Rain) or her books (I've mentioned before what a huge fan of "What Women Fear" I am - it's her latest book), or heard her speak, I can assure you she is just as you'd imagine she'd be. So adorable, so funny, so gracious and so down to earth.

And, this is the part in which my post title will make sense, because the fact that I'm posting this picture proves that I am putting all vanity aside because I could not look more goofy than I do in this picture. This crazy look on my face is what you get when you combine A LOT of tears with EXTREME excitement.... yep, you get the tear-stained face with the larger-than-life wacky smile.... yeah... not pretty BUT I love the picture anyway, because it represents so many things coming full circle for me.

And it's forever a reminder that the Lord allowed me a sweet ending to my 31st birthday because one of the women I admire most in this world for her courage and dependence on God's faithfulness, gave me a few minutes of her time and I will forever be grateful!

Hello 31, I'm glad you're here!

2011-11-11T05:30:00.000-05:00

Today's date, 11-11-11 marks my 31st birthday!

(It's no wonder why my favorite number is eleven... and the fact that I get three of them in a row this year has to mean something special, right??)

You may remember my birthday post from last year about how much I love birthdays AND love getting older! Yes, seriously. Another year of memories. Another year of experiences. Another year to do it all better. I love it! It boils down to me feeling extremely grateful for another year of living and being together with my family.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the past decade of my life. Sometimes I still feel like that girl who was just starting out into the adventure of her adult life. And turning 31 today has made me consider what I would have told myself at 21 had I been given the opportunity.

At 21, I felt like everything on my "life's checklist" had to be accomplished immediately - even though I was just a sophomore/junior in college. And I often found myself distraught when it didn't happen that way. Looking back, I'd tell that over-zealous (and sometimes insecure) young lady to relax a bit. To enjoy the ride instead of trying to rush into the next phase of life.

For instance, I remember feeling so hopeless at 21 about when I'd get married - and oh the mental pressure I put on the relationships I encountered as a result! I had 2 serious relationships in my college years and often times I over looked key development opportunities within those relationships because of my tunnel-vision. And with the latter of the two in particular, if only that poor girl knew what that heartache (ever-so-aching and haunting as it was) would lead to. She'd meet her husband AFTER college and would be a wife at 25 and a mother at 27. Granted, I might not tell her that she'll end up moving to Connecticut and that her child would be diagnosed with infant cancer.... that little 21 year old would probably have a bit of a "thanks but no thanks freak out session"! I believe there is so much wisdom in how God doesn't show us everything that will happen in our lives BEFORE it's time for them to happen!

Oh how I'd tell her that the problems that seemed so very overwhelming at times, were just pieces of the overall puzzle that would better prepare her for her future.

I would tell her to be herself. Not just what she thought someone else wanted her to be. Because that never benefited her or the other person very well, anyway!

I would tell her to wear those size 4 jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY!? As I'd remind her that her 21 year old metabolism sure ain't gonna be the same at 31!

I would tell her life does indeed get better with age.

I'd tell her how happy she is going to be that she kept writing in those journals even on the nights she felt too tired to express herself. She should know that writing out her thoughts/reflections & struggles will become a big part of her future and that keepin' those creative juices flowing will suit her well down the road!

I'd tell her to trust the Lord to provide the desires of her heart instead of trying to find and grasp them on her own.

I'd tell her to lay off the mega blonde highlights. I changed my hair color so much when I was younger. She'd be happy to know that in her 30's she will finally settle on a warm auburn brown color with caramel highlights. Much more flattering for your skin tone, young lady!

I would tell her to soak up every bonding opportunity she has with her sister.... because living so many miles apart (Texas vs. Connecticut) in just a few short years will be both difficult and heartbreaking at times.

I would tell her NOT to buy that $200-something Brighton handbag based on peer-pressure.... because a few months down the road and she won't like it anymore (it's OK to say it's just not your style!), but will still carry it simply because she spent so much money on it!

And I think the thing I'd most want to tell myself at 21 is to not worry so much. So much of life at that time was wasted on the worrying. If she could have only known what was in store a few years down the road.... she'd know what I know now at 31..... the good and the bad, it all ends up being beautiful in the end.

So sit back and enjoy the ride. There are going to be rough patches... in fact, they are inevitable. But, you're going to see, do, go, live, and experience God and life in ways you never would have dreamed of.

Hello thirty-one! I truly am so glad you're here!!

And thank You, Lord for all of the twists and turns over the past decade. Thank you for the cultivating You've done in my life and for the adventure that still awaits! If I've learned nothing else, I've learned that there is never a dull moment in this life You've given me. I look forward to another year of living it and finding out what's in store.... I thank You for such a beautiful gift.

Psalm 16:1 - Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.

Boundaries

2011-11-09T10:11:00.003-05:00

I've mentioned before how much I love hearing and reading the words/works of Andy Andrews. I heard him speak at a Women of Faith Conference last year and I've been a fan ever since! I get emailed his blog updates and I thought I'd share his most recent with you on the topic of Boundaries. I can think of a handful of experiences that I wouldn't have had to endure had the proper boundaries been in place in my way of thinking... and understanding that boundaries protect more than they restrict. Oh to have understood that in my early 20's! If you can relate, I think you'll enjoy his post. Click the below link to be taken right to it!

http://www.andyandrews.com/blog/boundaries/

Ah... all is right in the world again.

2011-11-05T19:19:00.000-04:00

At least in our corner of it.

After 6 days with no power in our house (as was the case with most of Connecticut) we finally got it back on yesterday. My husband texted me the good news since I am in Dallas lovin' on my new niece. I was relieved life could get back to normal for he and our little boy! I head back home very early tomorrow morning and am happy that my home will welcome me with warm, cozy arms (it was 40 degrees in our house with no heat to warm it!). AND the icing on the cake has certainly been the snuggle time I've had with my sweet niece. She turned a month old yesterday and I've had so much fun with her and my sister these past 48 hours. We've hit two malls in two days with a minimum of 6 hours at each one.... yeah, we've enjoyed ourselves! And this little baby is SUCH a good baby. She was enjoying the mall time just as much as we were! She's the most content baby I've ever met. AND she sleeps through the night. Her cousin, my little Ethan, didn't do that until he was 15 or 16 weeks old.... and she's FOUR weeks old. She's such an angel. I'm going to miss my sweet girls terribly.... but Christmas will be here soon enough. It's so hard living far away from our loved ones, isn't it!

And, here they are for your viewing pleasure.... my lovely younger sister, Kari and her month old daughter, Leighton. I've sure enjoyed my time with you gals! XOXO

Winter Storm Alfred

2011-11-02T07:35:00.001-04:00

Hello folks out there in the blog-o-sphere.

It's been quite an interesting few days here in Connecticut. We had a freak snow storm hit last Saturday night and it's been down hill ever since! We lost power, then all night long we heard the large trees around our house crack, snap, and fall. We had to get up and keep checking that they didn't fall on our house. It was crazy! The next morning, we went out in all the snow and saw the damage that we'd heard all night long. Looks like a tornado plowed through these neighborhoods up here! Power lines are down, trees are blocking roads... it's seriously a mess. Thankfully my dad never lost power, so my hubby, son and I have been staying with him in his one bedroom apartment. The power company is saying it will be until Sunday before we have power back in our neighborhood.

That will have made one week with no power in our house.

It's crazy to drive around and see all these businesses empty due to lack of electricity. Including gas stations! Then those few gas stations that DID have power, ran out of gas fairly quickly! It's getting better around here, but S.L.O.W.L.Y.

I am flying to Dallas tomorrow evening to visit my sister and her new baby. We booked the flight weeks ago. But now, with all the drama going on here the mommy in me is feeling guilty leaving my little boy behind. But as my husband keeps reminding me, Ethan is having SO MUCH fun with the constant slumber party at grandpa's house! And the malls are open, as is Chuck E. Cheese, so all is right in our little 3 year old's eyes. I am glad I will be back home with my crew on Sunday, though!

Anyhoo.... just thought I'd give an update... again, thankful that my dad's cable and internet are working AND that we can keep our cell phones charged! Things could certainly be worse. The temperature inside our house is 40 degrees. Yikes! Yes, grateful for my dad's apartment!!

Be back soon blog world..... and if you think about it, pray that my NEXT update is from the comforts of my own sofa and laptop. Ah, that would be nice.

The Three Musketeers!

2011-10-29T10:41:00.001-04:00

Kelly's Korner Blog is doing a "Show Us Your Life" segment on moms of only children, and seeing as how that applies to yours truly, I thought it'd be fun to participate!

I grew up thinking that my life as an adult would basically mirror the life I experienced as a child. Especially when it came to how many children I would have. I grew up in a two-kid house. Me and my younger sister. I just assumed that I'd have two kids too, when the time came, since that's what I was used to. Little did I know as a young-un', that life rarely unfolds exactly like you anticipate.

But I will say, that often times the end results is even better than you imagined.

Which brings me to the topic for today's post. After being married for about 3 years, my hubby and I decided to start trying to have a baby. It only took a couple of months, and one morning I'm on the phone with my sister having a mild panic attack about the two pink lines I was seeing on the pregnancy test. It wasn't long after that before horrible sickness decided to dwell upon my being. I vomited about 4 to 5 times a day for a straight 25 weeks. It was horrific. I can't count how many times I had to pull off the side of the road, how many client meetings at work I had to cancel, etc... I lost 14 pounds my first trimester of my pregnancy. It was awful. Thankfully, by the end of my second trimester I felt human again. That is until I delivered. Let's just say that my epidural wearing off right as I hit 9 centimeters made for extremely painful pushing at 10 centimeters. I've never experience that type of agony before... in fact, I'll just leave it at that because there is no way I can actually form into words the proper way to express the pain. Oh, and my little bundle of joy broke my tailbone on his way into the world.

Not to mention the invasive surgery I had to have 2 years after he was born to repair the internal damage that my little son did on his way out!

Needless to say, it was a delightful experience overall.

Let me just say, all I've shared up to this point is not the reason Ethan is an only child.... though, while in the throws of the "awfulness" of my pregnancy and delivery the thought of "I am NEVER doing this again" DID cross my mind!

Then we fast forward to our sweet little boy being diagnosed with leukemia at 11 weeks of age. That whole first year of his life was full of emotional ups and downs. We lived in a hospital (both in Connecticut and Boston) more that we lived at home. And living one day at a time took on a whole new meaning in our lives. I've shared the details of our story many times both here and on my other blog, so I will just fast forward and say that the Lord was gracious to us and it still brings tears to my eyes when I say that our little Ethan has been in full remission from infant cancer for 3 years now!

During that time though, we did learn that Ethan's cancer was a result of a gene that they found in him. And it would be possible that the gene be passed to future children, though the likelihood couldn't really be determined.... and was thought to be somewhat rare. However, the thought of going through all of that with another child did provide me with enough fear to never want to venture that path again.

But... as I shared here last year, I didn't want to limit the Lord with the fear that I held in my heart. I took it as a step of faith and trust in His Design for my life and so we decided not to make a decision out of fear, but faith.... and on the first try to get pregnant again, it happened immediately.

However, exactly a month before my 30th birthday last year, I lost the baby. Which I wrote about here.

Since that time, I have felt an enormous about of contentment in the structure of our family. I love the fact that I have a child waiting for me in Heaven. I love to tell Ethan that he has sister in Heaven. And I love how the Lord has revealed His peace and assurance to our family in various ways. I can honestly say I do not feel like there is a piece missing in our family. I love the one on one time my husband and I can share with Ethan. I love being fully absorbed into his little world. And, I love how we affectionately refer to ourselves as "The Three Musketeers".

I do realize the concerns some of our loved ones have. But I trust the Lord to provide for all of Ethan's needs throughout all the various stages of his life. And I pray often that he has "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" throughout those various stages of his life.

I don't pretend to know what God has in store for my life. All I know right now is that I am content. More than content, actually. I am delighted! My family dynamic is perfect for me. In fact, I can't even keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks right now as I think about how grateful I am for my husband and my son. I refer to them as "my boys". And they are the most favorite part of my life.

So yes... Mom to one, am I.

And I couldn't be happier!

And we have a winner!

2011-10-28T11:03:00.000-04:00

Lucky number 3 - Sherri Smith!

You are the winner of a copy of the book "What Women Fear".

I will get in contact with you for your shipment info.

Congratulations! I trust this book will be a big encouragement to you!

Thanks to everyone else for playing!

And to those of you who bought your own copy,

I hope it will be as much of a blessing to you as it has been to me.

Good times!

2011-10-26T10:32:00.003-04:00

I got so many emails from you lovely folks saying that you went ahead and bought your own copy of the book, "What Women Fear". And I don't blame you! It's such a great resource! And for those who wanted to participate in the giveaway, I am excited about your enthusiasm! I will be putting all the names in my little boy's baseball hat and pulling one out (yes, I do drawings old school) later tonight and will post the winner shortly thereafter!

And while I'm here, I thought I'd post a few pictures from the Leukemia Light the Night Walk we participated in recently. Such a great night and such a great cause that we love to support. Raising money for Leukemia research is a big part of our lives now. We're so grateful for the advancements that clinical research trials have produced in recent years, because Ethan's treatment was a direct result of many of those findings. So grateful that the Lord has put a passion for studying such a heartbreaking disease in the hearts and minds of the clinical researchers and oncologists out there!

There are little flashlights inside each balloon. Red balloons are for supporters, Gold balloons are for those who are walking "in memory" of someone, and White balloons are for the SURVIVORS to carry! The walk starts when it gets dark and you can see the illuminated balloons everyone is carrying... it's very moving!

This is the Survivor photo. All the Survivors that attended the event got together to pose for this picture. Ethan was the youngest survivor there and there was another little boy there who was just a little bit older who was also a survivor! So great to see so many who have fought and won the battle against these blood cancers. And it was so sweet to have one of the older gentlemen who is a leukemia survivor come up and give Ethan a big hi-five.

It's getting darker outside, so it's almost time to start the walk!

You can see the balloons in the background of this picture.

And this little guy is the reason we do this stuff! Our little survivor!

Oh how we cherish the "normal days" we get to have with him....

Giveaway! update

2011-10-22T13:22:00.001-04:00

*Update: I was informed that there was a problem with folks being able to leave a comment... that should be corrected now!

I rarely do giveaways, but I've decided this one is just plain necessary! As I've mentioned, I have been reading "What Women Fear" by Angie Smith and it has quite truly encouraged my heart more than any other book I've read. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one who has these various struggles and that alone has been so refreshing. Not to mention there is just so much truth in her words! She writes in such a way that you feel as if you and she have been friends for a lifetime. She's so open with her own experiences and she is extremely relate-able (not to mention funny!). No, I don't know her personally (though I feel as if I do since I've been following her blog for years) and I'm not getting any thing in return for doing this, nor has anyone asked me to participate in a "giveaway" of her book. I just believe the message within her chapters would bless every woman as they walk their own path of worries, fears, "what if" thoughts, etc.

Soooo, I'd like to give you a chance to get a copy of this goodness for FREE!

I'm being completely serious when I say that I plan to utilize this book as a life long resource... reminding myself of the truth when I'm tempted to buy into the lies that "fear" can so easily throw at us.

Just leave me a comment and I will pick a random winner in a few days.

Note: If you utilize the "anonymous" feature on the comment section instead of "signing in" just make sure you leave your name and email address in the body of the comment. And if you don't see your comment right away, don't worry, it's there... I just have my account set up so that I approve all comments before they are immediately posted.

And if you're not interested in waiting to see if you've won, you can buy your own copy here! Or heck, buy two and give the other one to a friend. You'll both be glad you did!

When you don't know what to say...

2011-10-18T07:00:00.002-04:00

October 15th was the "National Day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day" and with my own miscarriage anniversary having been this past Monday, October 10th, I was so happy to have found out about a website that is designed to help you encourage a loved one who has been through miscarriage or the loss of their baby after birth. Because, I know... it's hard to know what to say. So bookmark this website and should you ever be at a loss for words, maybe it will be able to help you find the words your heart longs to say.

http://lostforwordscardline.com/

awesome freebies!

2011-10-17T11:09:00.011-04:00

I have certain blogs that I love to catch up on when I have a spare minute and The Mom Creative is one of my favorites. I don't know her personally, but it's one of those odd things about being a part of the blog community that you feel like you know someone if you follow their lives via their blog. Though, most of the time the person you like to read up typically has no idea who you are... but that's ok, right??

Anyhoo, The Mom Creative blog (written by Jessica Turner) has been doing a series of ideas to make various memory keepsakes for you and your family. She is actually where I first heard about that "My Quotable Kid" journal that I referenced in my last post. Well, I am introducing you to her site because she has so many freebies going on right now! Free Personalized Journals, Photo books, 8x10 Canvas Portraits - and I've taken advantage of all of them!! Such great opporunities (and ideas) to have a place to document your memories - especially your pictures - because who has time to scrapbook anymore?!

So go take a peek at her site and have fun building your free keepsakes!

P.S. - In case you can't find the link on her site that tells about the specific freebies, just click this link to be taken right to it: http://www.themomcreative.com/2011/10/31-days-my-love-affair-with-photo-books.html

odds and ends

2011-10-15T21:28:00.001-04:00

Did you know....

1. That you can get notified via email when I add a new post to the ole' blog? That way you don't have to wander over here just to see if I've shared anything new - you can find out just by checking your email! And don't worry, for those of you who like your privacy (and who doesn't from time to time), I can't "see" who signs up to be notified. It all happens in the behind-the-scenes-on-goings of the blog world. So, help yourself to the right side of my site and input your email address, hit "submit" then VOILA! No more having to wander and wonder.

2. That between my family and my husband's family, I (well, "we") have 10 neices and nephews (and one more on the way)! So many cousins our little Ethan has and we don't live close to any of them... they're all either in Texas or Philadelphia - talk about a bummer!

3. I have started documenting all the crazy/sweet/funny things my child says in a journal call "My Quotable Kid" (found here on Amazon) and I'm in love with it. I know you could just as easily keep these memories in any type of notebook, but this one is so fun and cute and makes me more "purposeful" about it. I can't wait to look back on this time and be reminded of the imagination my 3 year old had.

4. I am completely done with all of our Christmas shopping! Well, except for my parents and my father-in-law (but we know what we're buying for each of them). But everyone else - including our little tyke - DONE. I like to buy all year long so that when November rolls around we aren't dropping hundreds of dollars all at once. Spreading it out throughout the year also allows me to jump on good deals when I find them. I also buy a couple of extra generic items to have on hand for when I need a gift in a pinch (ie: husband's office Christmas party, a neighbor, etc). Yummy Yankee Jar Candles are good for that sort of thing, or any "housewarming" type of gift. I also peruse Bath & Body Works or similar types of stores for those "just in case" gift ideas.

5. I have an addiction to purses. Not necessarily expensive ones, either. I have quite the collection in my closet that I rotate through. Big, small - I love 'em all! And I can't help but add to that collection when I find a good deal on a must-have. (It borderlines on my addiction to books). I know. I have a problem.

6. And finally, did you know that, "A hug is a universal medicine, it is how we handshake from the heart." - Anonymous

Grace

2011-10-12T10:33:00.001-04:00

I attend the Women of Faith Conference every year when they come to the Hartford area. This year they are here on my birthday and I'm very excited! Not a bad way to ring in my 31st birthday, that's for sure! And because I love the encouragement the team behind Women of Faith provide to us gals, I signed up long ago to get their daily "inspirational emails" from their various Women of Faith contributors. I received this one the other day and wanted to pass it along. Seems to go hand in hand with the post I wrote about the other day. I "bolded" the part in the piece below that was a specific encouragement to me!

Grace

by S. Patty

It was an interesting day. I hadn’t felt “on my game” if you know what I mean; I felt clumsy and out of sorts. I left home in Oklahoma City to travel to Women of Faith. It seems like wherever I am traveling I have to go through Atlanta. Bill Gaither used to tell this joke: “When you die and go to heaven, you’ll have to go through Atlanta first.”

I arrived at the Atlanta airport and searched the screens for my next flight’s gate. Realizing I had a bit of extra time, I decided to stop and get some coffee at Seattle’s Best. Perhaps this would wake me up and help me feel a little less “off.” I placed my order and as I waited, I reached for a coffee cup sleeve only to knock all 100+ of them onto the airport floor. I bent over to begin to gather them up. The nice lady handed me my coffee―at which time I dropped it and it exploded all over the same floor. I felt horrible and began to get napkins to sop up the mess. One of the workers came out with a mop and bucket and began to clean up BOTH my messes.

I quietly slithered away and began to head to my gate thinking to myself, “Just get to the gate and sit down. Just don’t touch anything else”.

As I was trying to sneak away, I heard a voice behind me saying, “Ma’am? Ma’am?” I didn’t want to think he was talking to me because honestly, I thought if he was talking to me he would probably scold me for being so careless. Finally I couldn’t ignore him any longer since he was right behind me.
He was out of breath from running and said to me, “Ma’am? Why don’t you come on back . . . come back and have one on us.” I almost cried right there in Atlanta airport. I followed him back and they fixed me another mocha “on them” and he quietly said to me, “Ma’am, believe me, this happens all the time. It’s no problem. Just enjoy your drink and have a nice day.”

I’ve been thinking all day about that phrase “Come on back and have one on us.” That’s really how grace should feel. When we mess up and make mistakes, when we are having an off day, God isn’t standing by ready to shake his finger at us in rebuke. He chases after us and probably says, “Believe me; I see this all the time. Come on back and have one on me.”

I love that about our God.

Come to me, all who are weary (and having a bad day) and rest….on me! —Matthew 11:28

Yuck...

2011-10-08T10:06:00.002-04:00

There are days when everything goes smoothly. You know, according to plan. Then there are days (weeks!) that seem like... well.... you know, nothing is going according to plan and you're lucky if you're mind can even spell "smooth".

My plate is often quite full. And, I'm sure yours is too!

And in those hectic moments, I'm learning things about myself that I don't like that much. And the not-so-desirable traits are hard to ignore when your 3 1/2 year old starts mimicking EVERY thing you do/say.

Talk about an eye-opener.

So, here we go....

1. I'm impatient.
2. I'm selfish.
3. I'm demanding.
4. I'm controlling.
5. I'm moody.

Yeah. That's nice, isn't it. But it's true. Now granted, I'm not those things all of the time, but they make up parts of my personality that do rear their ugly heads on enough occasions that I see my son learning what he sees.

I've often justified those "reactions" based on all of the responsibilities I carry and the exhaustion of a long, trying day. I could list all the things that go on in my daily life... And if I did, you might even be tempted to think, "well no wonder you feel _________, you do have a lot going on!". But the truth is, who doesn't have a lot going on. And to further extend that reality, some of us have to take care of things outside of our comfort zone because that's just what has to be done. It might not always be fair and it might not always be fun, but it's just the way the cookie crumbled and we're left with the pieces to put back together whether we like it or not. I fully understand the effect situations like that can have on a person. But, on a fundamental level, if I'm trying to teach Ethan to have a good attitude when things don't go his way, but I get grumpy when something doesn't go my way. What message is that? Yes, he might be upset/whining because he wants to play outside but it's raining and MY complaining might be about having been disconnected from the insurance company after being on hold for 30 minutes..... but I'd imagine in his little mind his circumstance is just as important to him as my circumstance is to me. And overall, I don't want him thinking that a bad attitude is justified based on the severity of the offense - or will get him the outcome he desires.

Yes, being upset about things is normal, but it's the aftermath that I let linger more than I should.

And boy have I been convicted about those things lately!

There is a legacy I want to leave in my child's heart and mind, and... there's a legacy I don't want to leave!

And how true it is that little ones learn by example. Even when I think I'm doing a good job of hiding my emotions, they still spill over. And it's not that I want Ethan to learn that it's wrong to feel frustrated or feel upset, it's more that I want to help him learn how to have self-control in those moments. Yet, if I'm lacking self-control, a good teacher I will not be.

It's not easy.

Not at all.

Which is why I'm grateful I don't have to change all of these things I don't like about myself with my own strength or power. Because I've proven I'm incapable of that type of sanity when things in my world are swirling around in an insane manner.

Galatians 5:22-25 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control... And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh [our selfishness] with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit... "

2 Corinthians 9:8 ^"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiencyin all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."

I'm truly encouraged that I (we) don't have to overcome the things we don't like about ourselves by ourselves. I will daily ask God to give me the fruits of His spirit that are lacking in my life and I can trust that His grace will be able to accomplish such a mighty task.

Whew. There's hope for all of the yuck!

Hello October!

2011-10-04T06:23:00.001-04:00

I love October. I love the cooler weather. I love little kids costumes. I love that October ushers in November and December. I love the craziness of holidays, family traditions, and the smell of cinnamon spices in the air. I love that January follows right behind, because not only does January bring in a new year, with new experiences and possibilities, but it also celebrates the day my little munchkin was born. And speaking of little munchkins, I love that my sister is currently in the hospital giving birth to her first little bundle. Ah yes.... October.
How I love you so.

sigh

2011-09-29T21:15:00.009-04:00

I've struggled with migraines for years, however, the older I get the worse (and more frequent) they've become. I'm talking about between 6 - 8 a month. Since July I've been seeing a neurologist and over the past few months we've been tweaking our "preventative" game plan. I've also started seeing a chiropractor. Man, the x-ray she took showed how jacked up my neck is (for lack of better explanation!). No wonder I have so many headaches... and I'm sure the scoliosis in my upper back doesn't help. Anyway, I'm happy to finally be on the road to managing these debilitating headaches in a more effective way... frankly because I can't be an effective mom, or an encouraging wife when I feel so terrible physically. And my goodness, the past two weeks were not the best as we (my docs and I) were tweaking different medications I had been trying, to iron out what's effective and what's not.... needless to say, they were not effective and actually the side effects made things worse. Another reason I wanted to start seeing a chiropractor so that I can hopefully be off of the "preventative" meds.

Anyway, life still goes on when we feel our best or our worst. And doesn't it always happen that more curve balls are thrown when you're not at your best....

Well... we recently found out that Ethan has cataracts that have developed on his sweet little eyes. They are small right now and a long term side effect resulting from the radiation and chemo treatments he endured as a baby. He has various things checked out every year as a precaution towards the list of side effects we were told could show up years down the road. His eyes are on the list of things checked every year. This was his third year to have them checked and the first time the cataracts were there. And I have to admit, I wasn't prepared to actually deal with any side effects from those days. I didn't feel worried, necessarily. Just more of a "hmmmm, that's interesting". It's certainly manageable and can be dealt with by having surgery to remove/replace the lens in each eye, but hopefully they are slow-progressing and we don't have to deal with any issues for a few more years.

But...

Did it make me wonder what other long term side effects might start popping up?

Yes. It did.

But I fully understand that most of life is about things we can't control. Especially when it comes to our health or the health of those we love. I would love for my headaches to no longer be an issue for me. I would love for Ethan's health history not to be an issue for him as he gets older.

But again, I can't control that. And I'm finally at a place in life where I accept that. And the only reason I know that I can feel comfortable with not worrying about what I can't control is having faith that there's a reason and purpose and a plan for it all. I don't always like the problematic situations (or especially the durations of those problems!), but losing sleep over them isn't getting me anywhere but closer to an ulcer.

The bottom line is I believe God's Word.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

Psalm 121:1-2 "I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.

Matthew 9:28-29 "And when He had come into the house, the blind men came to Him. And Jesus said to them, “Do you believe that I am able to do this?” They said to Him, “Yes, Lord.” Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”

And through every thing that I've been through in my life as a child, as a teenager, as a college student, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend, as a wife, and as a mom (and trust me, there was/is plenty of drama in each of those past and present times of my life) - He continues to prove Himself faithful to the work He's doing in and through my life.

Headaches may continue to be problematic for me, but I'm thankful for a husband (who is a wonderful dad) who can step in and take over for me when I need to crash in a dark, quiet room.

And Ethan, my nearly 4 year old, may (or may not!) have more hurdles to deal with in his future as a result of having infant cancer...

But it's one day at a time.

And I'm not worried.

Wouldn't help if I was anyway!

... or maybe I was wrong.

2011-09-25T14:33:00.001-04:00

No one likes to admit they're wrong... right? Well, over the years it has become quite apparent that I have been quite wrong in several areas of my thinking/assumptions.

Reality TV.

Yep, I remember thinking about 6 or 7 years ago (and actually said to my husband) that Reality TV was just a phase that would soon fizzle out... um, yeah.... not so much.

Metabolism.

I also remember (foolishly) thinking that it was just a myth that your metabolism slowed down in your 30's. Turns out... it's not a myth.

Chocolate.

I used to think that chocolate could do not wrong. That was, however, until I discovered chocolate covered bacon at the state fair. Seriously? Yes, seriously.

Fried Oreos.

This was a disgusting concept to me until I decided to try some at the aforementioned state fair. Turns out they are actually a warm, soft pastry full of yummy goodness. (Think: warm chocolate filled croissant, not Kentucky Fried Chicken.) I now wonder if in a few years I will feel the same about chocolate covered bacon.... on second thought, no. I remain on my high horse of thinking that combination is just plain wrong.

Flowers.

I used to think that flowers were necessary in a "flower bed" when landscaping your front yard. I've since realized (when we became home owners a few years ago) that my STRONG dislike of bees overshadowed my opinion on flowers. Our flowerbeds are instead adorned with nice leafy green plants and mulch. Flower-less leafy green plants. I do not do bees. At all. So if it's in our yard and it blooms, it's gone.

And finally, Children.

Growing up I assumed that since I was raised in a house with two kids, I'd of course, have two kids as well. Like there was a weird stigma if you only had/wanted one child. Turns out, I actually love being a mom to one. I feel fulfilled and content. Besides, I'm convinced his energy level is equal to two kids anyway and so he's all I can handle!

humor me, but I have more pictures

2011-09-22T17:53:00.001-04:00

I know I never have a back to back post of pictures, but hey, it's been a busy September! Last weekend we participated in the Boston Marathon / Jimmy Fund Walk. Ethan was first diagnosed with leukemia here in Connecticut, but his transplant took place up in Boston at the Boston Children's Hospital / Jimmy Fund Clinic... which is why we participate in their Jimmy Fund Walk each year. We love supporting the event and we always have a great time celebrating and reflecting on how far Ethan has come!!

We also took Ethan to the Basketball Hall of Fame in Massachusetts a few weekends ago. His daddy is a huge sports fan, and Ethan is following right along in his daddy's footsteps! Ethan loved playing on the court they had there and I just had to take a picture of the American flag made up of Basketball sneakers (talk about a massive display - and yes they are actual shoes!). They even had an ice cream parlor there so we had to stop for a little treat before we left!

And this last one is just a sneak peak of our little silly willy at his finest.... such an energetic little boy!! He's wearing an Eli Manning t-shirt (his daddy is a Giants fan) and his "big boy" underwear and when I was about to put some shorts on him, he just took off for the ball and started doing all kinds of silly stuff with it.... this kid loves an audience!

Picking and Painting

2011-09-20T14:38:00.000-04:00

Though I'm a Southern gal (and always will be regardless of my zip code!), one of the things I love about living in New England is the Fall season, and... it is upon us! Sweatshirt weather, pumpkin patches, cinnamon apple cider donuts.... well, let's just say they all make me giddy! So I thought I'd highlight our recent adventure (and tradition!) with some pictures.

Every September/October my hubby, myself and our little dude go to Lyman Orchards (an awesome place to go if you're in the Connecticut area) and soak up the change from Summer to Fall. We buy their homemade apple pies (that they make with the apples from their orchards), stuff ourselves with their awesome cinnamon apple cider donut holes, feed the ducks, and - of course - pick our pumpkins.

Then.... it's time for the other part of our pumpkin picking tradition. Instead of carving our pumpkins, we paint them. Ethan has so much fun with this (so thankful for washable paint)! I did get an extra pumpkin for us to carve this year, but sitting and painting pumpkins together with my little pumpkin is a fun tradition I cherish!

Hope you're having fun ringing in the Fall season, too!

just a teeny bit excited....

2011-09-19T06:13:00.002-04:00

... or maybe a lot excited! I have a post that's being featured over on (in)courage today. I'm always excited to share the tidbits that the Lord unfolds in my own life, with others who might be in need of a jolt of hope, a hug of encouragement, or a sigh of relief in whatever situation they are currently facing. So join me over at (in)courage today and take some time to also peruse the site. You might just get the jolt, hug or sigh that you need, because the site is full of goodness and encouragement for all women no matter their walk of life.

click here to read the post on (in)courage

In the words of Abraham Lincoln...

2011-09-13T11:37:00.001-04:00

I heard this being read on the radio while I was in the car the other day. Abraham Lincoln penned these words and they were an unexpected encouragement to me in various ways. I wanted to share it with you in case the words greet you with the same enlightenment as they did with me.

"I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. For too long, every ounce of forgiveness I owned was locked away, hidden from view, waiting for me to bestow its precious presence upon some worthy person. Alas, I found most people to be singularly unworthy of my valuable forgiveness, and since they never asked for any, I kept it all for myself. Now, the forgiveness that I hoarded has sprouted inside my heart like a crippled seed yielding bitter fruit. No more. At this moment, my life has taken on new hope and assurance. Of all the world’s population, I am one of the few possessors of the secret to dissipating anger and resentment. I now understand that forgiveness has value only when it is given away. By the simple act of granting forgiveness, I release the demons of the past about which I can do nothing, and I create in myself a new heart, a new beginning. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.

I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness. Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or deed thrown into my life by an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining revenge or confusion. Now I see the truth revealed about this psychological rock inside my shoe. The rage I nurture is often one-sided, for my offender seldom gives thought to his offense. I will now and forevermore silently offer my forgiveness even to those who do not see that they need it. By the act of forgiving, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness. I am content in my soul and effective again with my fellow man.

I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly. Knowing that slavery in any form is wrong, I also know that the person who lives a life according to the opinion of others is a slave. I am not a slave. I have chosen my counsel.

I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what is best for the future of my family, and neither misguided opinion nor unjust criticism will alter my course. Those who are critical of my goals and dreams simply do not understand the higher purpose to which I have been called. Therefore, their scorn does not affect my attitude or action. I forgive their lack of vision, and I forge ahead. I now know that criticism is part of the price paid for leaping past mediocrity.

I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself. For many years, my greatest enemy has been myself. Every mistake, every miscalculation, every stumble I made has been replayed again and again in my mind. Every broken promise, every day wasted, every goal not reached has compounded the disgust I feel for the lack of achievement in my life.

My dismay has developed a paralyzing grip. When I disappoint myself, I respond with inaction and become more disappointed. I realize today that it is impossible to fight an enemy living in my head. By forgiving myself, I erase the doubts, fears, and frustration that have kept my past in the present. From this day forward, my history will cease to control my destiny.

I have forgiven myself.

My life has just begun.

I will forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.

I will forgive those who criticize me unjustly.

I will forgive myself.

I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit."

- Abraham Lincoln

Books I'm loving...

2011-09-05T17:19:00.003-04:00

I don't seem to be able to read one book at a time. I typically have several going at once, and I thought I'd post a quick blurb about my current three....

1. "What Women Fear" by Angie Smith - so far, it's unbelievable. I highly suggest every woman read this book! In my opinion, it should even be a required reading for every woman as they journey through life (yes, it is THAT helpful!). I've followed her blog for years and am very much looking forward to hearing her speak at the Women of Faith conference (on my birthday!!) this year.

2."Return to Sawyerton Springs: A Mostly True Tale Filled with Love, Learning, and Laughter" by Andy Andrews. I've mentioned before what a big fan of Andy's I am. I heard him speak last year and he was fantastic. I've read some of his other books (which were excellent!), and this one just makes ya feel cozy, comfy and light-hearted.

3. Well, the last one is actually two.... and not really a "traditional" sort of book. It's a cook book! I mean, two cook books. Both of Jessica Seinfeld's "Deceptively Delicious" & "Double Delicious" cook books, to be exact. I will admit they are a bit intimidating AND my husband has already told me that if I try to pull one over on him, he will be able to tell. However, my main motivation is my little guy. I am trying to tweak his diet and this seems like a do-able way to incorporate a few more veggies. I just have to actually "do" it, now!

Whatever is currently on your nightstand, kitchen counter or coffee table..... Happy Reading!

I turned my back for one second and....

2011-08-31T05:00:00.001-04:00

I think I got major brownie points in this little 3 1/2 year olds eyes when I actually let him stay like that as I pushed him around the store. He was in hog heaven! And it was probably the longest he's ever been perfectly still!!

On any given day of the week it feels as if all I'm doing is teaching Ethan what it means to obey (the first time!); that a bad attitude is unacceptable; reminding him what "mommy said no" means.... but this moment helped to remind me that sometimes we also need to embrace the silly moments and look at look at life in general from the genuine excitement of a child.

Some Serious Science Center Fun!

2011-08-25T09:37:00.001-04:00

I just thought I'd post some pictures of our first trip to the downtown Science Center. I wasn't sure what to expect, but was looking for something new/fun to do with Ethan since preschool starts soon and our schedule will have a bit more of a routine and structure each week. And this couldn't have been a better place to make a special memory as the summer comes to an end.

This was in the sound center. Ethan loved shouting and singing

into the microphone and watching a laser light

bounce around to illustrate his sounds.

He didn't want to hold or touch the crabs (they didn't have pinchers),

but he was okay with holding the starfish.

This was a pretty cool contraption. You put a ball into one

end of the tube/tunnel and push the vacuum button

and the ball gets taken up and moves all throughout

the tunnel up along the ceiling then comes out again into the small box.

The water discovery area was by far Ethan's favorite!

Here is is putting balls into the canal of water, and the

water carries the ball down into the part where water is

shooting up and the water shoots the balls up and into the next level

(you can see what I mean in the next few pics). Pretty cool!

More water fun!

Then we went to the weather center.

We got to be a part of a pretend weather report,

so here we are standing in front of the green screen.

The funny thing is that Ethan just happens to be wearing a green shirt,

so in the "pretend broadcast" his mid-section looks invisible on the map

(though it's hard to tell in the picture) since the computer is

assuming his green shirt is the green screen. So in the next picture

you can see the town of Danbury showing through him.

It was so funny to see!

No regrets, really??

2011-08-22T12:36:00.004-04:00

I've heard folks say, time and time again, that they have no regrets. Or they live life with no regrets. And I understand what they're saying, because most of them feel that everything they encountered got them to where they are today. I've accepted that logic without question. In fact, I've often been in agreement.... "I have no regrets because it all got me to where I am today." However, the older I get the more I find myself thinking that rationale is just a tiny bit off. For me anyway.

Because the truth is....

There are things I'd go back and re-do (or not do).
There are people I wouldn't have spent so much energy on.
There is pain I would have rather not endured.
There are paths I wouldn't have walked down.
There are memories that I wish I didn't have.
There are things I would have said.
There are things I wouldn't have said.

And when I think about those instances in my life, I can't feel the way I do about a particular situation and in the next breath say that I have no regrets. Because I do. I do have regrets. But the silver lining is that (by God's grace!) I am who and where I am today despite those regrets.

So what's my point? I guess just making a little tweak to the phrase "no" regrets. Maybe embracing our regrets instead of pretend they do not exist! And through that I think we can still take away from those situations - personal/spiritual growth, wisdom via experience, and a lesson learned. I think with a mindset such as that, we can acknowledge the "do overs" we wouldn't mind having, while also having an appreciation for the way God used them as stepping stones towards the person we have become.... and are becoming.

3 years and counting!

2011-08-16T08:46:00.009-04:00

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

Psalm 126:5

Last Friday (August 12th) was a special day for our little boy. It marked 3 years since Ethan's bone marrow transplant and 3 years that he has been in full remission of leukemia! Hard to believe that it's been three years. Sometimes it feels like yesterday that we were knee deep in all of that heartache. And then sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. But regardless, on August 12, 2008, Ethan's life was spared and healed. We didn't fully know it at the time, because for almost a year after his bone marrow transplant, he was still very frail, still on LOTS of medications, couldn't be around other people due to his weak immune system, and still had to have blood transfusions until his blood cells got stronger. So we sat and waited. We watched his blood counts rise (which was a good thing!). And we hoped. Hoped that all of the chemo, transfusions, radiation, medicines that led up to August 12th's transplant had actually worked and been effective.

And it had.

His cancer never returned. And his body never rejected the blood transplant. In fact, his old blood (the blood he was born with) never returned. His body accepted the bone marrow blood and took it on as his own... which is important since leukemia is a blood cancer. It's bizarre to think that today he has a different blood type than which he was born with due to the transplant. I was amazed at God's handiwork time and time again throughout that whole process.

Today we continue the celebration of Ethan's life. We're not doing anything out of the ordinary, however, it's the "oridinary" that I'm extremely thankful for. Every night that we can sleep in our own home instead of a hospital room... I'm thankful.... because I remember the months and months we had to be away from our own beds and our own comforts. Every day that I can run errands with Ethan reminds me of the freedom we didn't have when he was a baby fighting for his life. The mundane is our miracle. The every day task has my gratitude. The ability to watch my little boy grow.... well, I can't help but cry thinking back on those days when I wasn't sure it would be possible. But it is. He's healthy. And we're ever so thankful....

This picture was taken a month after Ethan's inital diagnosis, right before they let us go back home for a few days before he needed to come back and be admitted again for another round of chemo (he was about 4 months old here).

And these were taken last Wednesday (right next door to the hosptial room pictured above) at Ethan's annual cancer check up. His blood work came back perfect which is what tells us if he's still in remission or not... and HE IS! By the way, isn't it amazing to see how big he is now in comparison to the previous pictures. He just looks so grown up (and completely enthralled with that leapfrog alphabet game!) We still can't believe he will be four in January!

And every August 12th, we have a mini-celebration of the day Ethan's life was forever changed. We celebrate his "T-day" (aka his Transplant Day). This picture makes me giggle, because the balloons look as if they have swallowed him up (and he was loving every minute of it!) The nurses told us back when we were in Boston for his transplant that every year patients celebrate their T-day since it was just as important of a day as their B-day (birthday). I remember grasping onto that concept and I told myself that if Ethan survived his all of this and if the transplant (through God's mercy and grace) did in fact save his life, then we would celebrate his T-day every year since that was the day Ethan's life was given another chance at living.

And "living" is what we've been doing ever since.

Girl time, Dallas style!

2011-08-04T11:44:00.003-04:00

So this past weekend was completely wonderful! I was in Dallas throwing my little sister a baby shower. She's expecting her first baby in late September and her family and friends were eager to shower her (and sweet baby Leighton!!) with all kinds of goodies! I flew down alone to have some much needed one on one time with my sister.... it's nearly been a year since we'd seen each other. One of the hard things about living so far apart, but we had such a great time together. Shopping, eating, driving down memory lane throughout various areas in Dallas (visiting my old apartment areas, etc), then shopping again, eating even more, and basically repeating those things over and over. She and her hubby live right in the best part of Dallas.... bottom line, we had so much fun (and much needed girl time!). I also got to see my mom for a little bit, which was nice. She came up from Houston. And I must say, it was so weird being away from Ethan, but he had lots of fun with daddy and grandpa (my dad) while I was away (going to the zoo was one of his favorite days with daddy!). Oh and I wanted to write about my plane ride back to Connecticut.... it was quite an experience.... but I don't have time right now so I will have to save that story for another day. In the meantime, here are a few fun pics from my little getaway.

And then a BIG hug and kiss from my baby when I got back home!

No Kids Allowed

2011-07-27T07:01:00.007-04:00

I was checking my yahoo email, when this story grabbed my attention from Yahoo's homepage. I read it and had to chuckle a bit. I can see both sides of the coin, however, instituting "child friendly" shopping hours (and likewise having hours that are "child free" shopping times) at grocery stores, or banning children from flights? That just made me laugh. When I used to travel on business for my previous job, I was on a plane various times throughout the year - this was before Ethan was born. So, before I was a mom. And yes, it's a bit nerve-wrecking to have a tot sitting behind you that is screaming the whole 4 hours you're in the air. I understand.

However, now that I'm a parent, I can also understand that it's extremely mortifying for that mother/father as well! Maybe all they are trying to do is get their little one to their family reunion that happens to be out of state and to drive would take over 24 hours! I agree that first class can be designated "child free", but let's not lose our common sense (or compassion) and say that no children under 6 can fly at all. If that were the case, Ethan wouldn't have been able to meet all of my extended family last summer (he was 2 1/2 and we flew from Connecticut to Texas). And that was the first time he met his cousins, etc.... family who had been praying for his healing wouldn't have gotten to meet our little miracle. Just seems sad to me. Now, we came prepared for the flight.... dvd player, toys, books, food, etc. And he did great. Not a peep. But, I have complete sympathy for those who can't get their baby to understand what's going on. Maybe airlines can stock the plane with a "magic toy/book/dvd player" that would help the parent settle the child (that would be amazing!). I don't know, because I understand that a screaming baby can tend to drive someone who doesn't have kids (or needs a break from their kids! :o) out of their mind, but on the flip side, thinking that families with children who live in Maine would be forced to drive to California just to go to DisneyLand seems a bit extreme for me.

And the grocery store hours, that's just funny! I can see it now.... What if Adam was out of town on business and I needed to grab Benedryl for Ethan because he's having an allergic reaction to something. But oops! I missed the child-friendly shopping window.... can't go to the grocery store down the street. Oh well. I'm sure he'll survive.

I realize I'm exaggerating, but you can see why the whole concept made me giggle a little bit.

Here's the article, you can build your own opinions. I'm just being a little silly with it in this post, of course. But, like I said, I can understand the concept. Which is why we don't take Ethan to Ruth's Chris. We choose Red Robin, instead. And truthfully, I think parents should tend to follow that "rule" as well. If the establishment doesn't offer a children's menu (or the local paper rates it a 5 star upscale restaurant) then probably best to save that for you and your spouse's date night and not bring the little ones. But on the flip side, if you go to a places that are more "family friendly", don't expect a quiet, candle lit dinner. Just a little common sense and compassion on both sides of the fence and I think a happy medium could be reached.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-no-kids-allowed-movement-is-spreading-2516110/

Making Memories

2011-07-20T17:51:00.006-04:00

New Hampshire. North Conway and Mount Washington Valley. Greatness. We drove up Cathedral Ledge. Beautiful. Saw a family of bears on the way (a mama bear with her three cubs). Saw a fox outside our condo. Gorgeous views. Great theme parks. Water rides. Got soaked! Took Ethan mini golfing for his first time. He ended up making TWO holes in one! Ate great food. Shopped outlet malls. Laughed while Ethan came up with ways to entertain himself (and us!) at the restaurants. Relaxed. Had fun. Thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!

So thankful for my little family.

.

can't stop crying

2011-07-18T20:23:00.003-04:00

And be warned that you won't be able to stop either. Please pray for these parents. Pray for the whole family. I don't know them personally, but I know they need us to pray God's strength and comfort be with them in abundance. If you have children... squeeze them extra tight tonight... and always be quick to thank God for each day you have together. All I can think about is how our own situation could have been different. And why it wasn't. I don't have answers. But I am heartbroken for this family. Their blog is listed below. Please lift them up in prayer....

http://jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/

sneak peak

2011-07-15T17:30:00.001-04:00

We're home from our New Hampshire vacation! We had a great week, but... more on that later. Now I must unpack, start the laundry and get "life" back in order. In the mean time, enjoy this tiny sneak peak.

God Bless Texas!

2011-07-12T06:00:00.001-04:00

I am borrowing this picture that I saw on facebook (I think). I fell in love with it right away! Yes, I live Connecticut (and am happily making fantastic memories with my hubby and preschooler), BUT... I was born and raised in Dallas, Texas. And there's just something about being a Texas girl that I am never going to give up or get over. I can assure you that the old cliche is true. You can take the girl out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the girl! And I happily pass along my "ya'll" to anyone here in the northeast.... it'll start rubbing off one of these days!

Joy while trusting...

2011-07-07T21:04:00.005-04:00

Contentment, sometimes, seems out of my grasp;

so many things, for which I long!

It’s so easy to selfishly forget,

that it is Christ to whom I belong.

I forget His promises to provide

things that are important for me.

He chooses the path of my lot in life,

and He longs to help me to see,

That whatever He brings into my life,

are the things that He knows are best.

And to know I have Him to lean upon, then,

He will provide all the rest.

Dear God, help me learn to be so content,

with the things You give me in life.

Then, with joy, I can face each new day

without living with inner strife!

Help me to be obedient to you;

and carefully lean on Your Word,

Knowing you have charge of my plans,

and my every prayer has been heard…

~ Written by Verna Mull

Dedicated to the many who are near and dear to my heart... trying to patiently wait on the Lord to reveal His "next steps" for each of their lives. I love each of you and am praying earnestly that the desires of your hearts are met in beautiful ways, that make the waiting all the more worth it.

“As for God, His way is perfect;

The word of the LORD is proven;

He is a shield to all who trust in Him.”

Psalm 18:30

I love summer!

2011-07-01T07:41:00.006-04:00

I don't love the bugs that come out of hiding during this time of year. And I couldn't enjoy summer without air conditioner. But I love just about everything else! Ethan loves to go swimming! And I love the long summer nights (this is probably my favorite part... in the winter it is pitch black out side at 5:00pm (blech!), BUT in the summer, not until 8:45! I love that!!!) I also love the mindset around summer. Everything's a bit more laid back, and it means that a long vacation is in our near future.

And speaking of vacation, we will be going to New Hampshire again this summer. It will be our 3rd year to go and we get more excited every year because the North Conway area has SO MUCH to do with little kids. It's the perfect vacation for families with little ones, and it never gets boring. Not to mention how scenic everything is... it's bliss. We always rent this terrific 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom condo which allows us to spread out and feel like we're in a home away from home. I am in love with this vacation spot because it was the first place we ever went on vacation as a family, and it was just after Ethan was released from all of his 15 month hospital stays/medical treatments/etc.... it was our first experience as a family in which we could truly have fun together. And we've been going back every year since. I know we won't always go there for our vacations, especially the older Ethan gets, but North Conway, New Hampshire will always hold a special place in this mama's heart. Because we got to make our first memories as a family, with our cancer free little boy. What a special first vacation that first vacation was!

This was our first time up in New Hampshire, back in 2009.

This is Ethan exploring the condo. He was 18 months old.

This was us at Story Land!

A great amusement/theme park for little kids!

We took a Gondola Ride (an enclose car ski lift) up Wild Cat Mountain.

Up, up, up we go.... my boys don't look to sure about this!

Here we are at the top of Wild Cat Mountain...

it was VERY cold and VERY windy up there!

I think I took about 200 pictures that first trip. I got smarter the next year, which was last summer. And did a lot more video! However, I can never resist good picture opportunities, so here are a few pics from our trip last summer.

2010 - Ethan was 2 1/2 years old.

Clark's Trading Post - The Bear Show and then a fun train ride!

Story Land Amusement Park!

Santa's Village (another cute theme park)

And there will be more fun again this year! And I'm sure even more pictures.... and even more videos! Did I mention I love summer?

20 questions

2011-06-26T16:18:00.003-04:00

Since Ethan's little imagination is growing by leaps and bounds lately, I thought I'd share with you the responses he's had lately when I engage him in a line of questions. I will write his exact response.... regardless of whether or not they actually make sense, because of course, that's the fun part, right?! And boy were they answered enthusiastically!!!

1. What's your name, honey? "Ethan Kway-wick"

2. How old are you? "I'm three! I am 3 year old, mama! Three year old!!!"

3. Ethan, are you my sweetheart? "Yes!"

4. What is daddy's name? "Babe!"

5. Which game do you like the best? "Basketball!"

6. What are we watching on TV right now? "BASEBALL with Big Papi, YAY for Big Papi with daddy! Let's play ball and I be the catcher and I can hit it a hard one like Big Papi to daddy!"

7. What team does Big Papi play for? "Baseball Boston Red Thox!"

8. What do you want to do when you get bigger? "How about hockey and tennis!"

9. Do you know every sport there is?? "Um, yes! And how to push the buttons."

10. How did you become such a smart little cookie!? No I not! I not a cookie, I a boy!"

11. What's my name? "Mommy Kasey Kway-wick"

12. Well, what is my name to you? "MOMMY!"

13. And what's my name to other people? "You right, mommy! It's Kasey Kway-wick!"

14. What are you doing right now? "Now I do my markers. I draw them. Look at my picture! Mommy and daddy be so proud! I saw an old woman in a tree."

15. Where did you see an old woman in a tree? "At the play ground".

16. How did she get out of the tree? "She need a ladder."

17. Oh, I see. Did you help her down? "I did! I did help her get down. With my ladder. It's a tricky one."

18. Did anything else fun happen today? "No. Nope. Nothing happens. Nothing happens today."

19. Is there anything else you want to say to mommy? "I sad."

20. Why are you sad? "Because I want to climb on Mommy."

Well, come on up! Is that better?

"Yes, now I can do on the computer too! I can do computer."

Okay, well only if I can get a big kiss first!

Thank you, baby! Ok, here ya go..... type away!

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Well, folks, there you have it.

a quick hello

2011-06-21T07:48:00.002-04:00

Just thought I'd poke my head into the blog world and say a quick hello. Things have been a bit out of whack the last couple of weeks! In a nut shell....

1. I've had to see a neurologist about my migraines. I was getting two a week and couldn't function.

2. Had a brain MRI (which ended up being clear of any concerns, which was good!)

3. Had to start a new medicine regimine to try to treat the problem. Lots of trial and error. Not been feeling well at all lately.

4. Ethan saw a pediatric dermatologist about a very hard cyst type of thing on his shoulder. They determined it needs to be removed, and though they think it is benign, they will send it to be tested just in case (given his medical history). It's an out-patient surgery, but he will have to be put under.

5. Went for his pre-op physical yesterday to get cleared for surgery and his doctor couldn't clear him just yet. She thinks he might have a mild form of asthma. So we're doing inhaler treatments until Friday to see if it clears up. If yes, then he will be able to continue on with the surgery on Monday. If not, it will be postponed and we will treat this wheezing/cough another way.

6. Oh and did I mention that trying to get Ethan to breathe in this mask/inhaler is near impossible!?! He's afraid of it. And that he's been up every night this week (and 4 AM today) as a result from the wheezing/coughing spells. I feel sorry for him. And with this lack of sleep for mama, I feel like we're are back in the newborn stage. I mean, the kiddo always wakes up super early, but not sleeping through the night, well, I might as well be sleep-walking right now.

Anyway, that's the rundown. If there are a lot of spelling errors, just blame it on my headache and my lack of sleep! Gotta go, though... Ethan has decided he needs to make the living room look like a tornado stopped by for a visit!

Picture Window

2011-06-13T19:50:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted updated Ethan pictures so I thought I'd post a "picture window" into what he's been up to lately!

Easter Sunday!

Adam volunteers as a high school basketball coach,

and Ethan was getting warmed up with his daddy before the game!

Dental check up!

Ethan thinks that every birthday cake and candles are for him,

so here he is helping to blow out his daddy's birthday candles!

We got Adam his own special Carvel ice cream cake (his favorite)

but we had another dessert for the rest of us

since it's not our favorite! Happy 32nd, honey!

Ethan was "cooking" up his own concoction of sorts!

We love to go Duck Pin Bowling!

Just like the regular bowling,

but with smaller balls.

So much fun for little kiddos

(and for us big kiddos too!)

Just chillin' and havin' a snack!

In his classroom, right before his end of the

year program at his preschool.

Watching him sing all of his

songs with his classmates was way too cute!

And do you see this??

This is what I get for leaving him alone with a pen.

Oh yes... in his hair, on his eye lid,

in his nostrils, under his chin...

you get the idea. At least it came off easily!

Nope, never a dull moment around here!

A Mother's Prayer

Oh give me the patience when tiny hands, tug at me with their small demands, and give me gentle smiling eyes, keep my lips from sharp replies, and let not fatigue, confusion or noise, obscure my vision of life's fleeting joys, so when years later and my house is still, no bitter memories its rooms may fill.

(Author Unknown)

June 8, 2011

2011-06-08T05:00:00.003-04:00

Today would have been my due date.

If “she” was going to follow in her brother’s footsteps, she wouldn’t actually make her appearance until 3 days from now. Ethan decided than January 20th, wasn’t nearly as good of a birth day as January 23rd, so… maybe “she” would have had the same sentiment. But maybe not. If Ethan takes after me with regard to his personality, then I could assume that “she” would take after her daddy. And if she were to be like her daddy, then she would have made her debut on this very day, because Adam doesn’t like to waste time!

Who is “she”? She is the baby I lost on October 11, 2010. I keep the above picture in a photo album (there are two lines there, though it's hard to see in this shot) just to have a tangible way to remember. I shared the story here. I wasn’t quite 8 weeks along, so of course I don’t truly know the gender…. But in my heart, I believe the baby to be a “her”. It’s the vision I had in my mind as soon as I found out I was pregnant again. Just as I knew Ethan was going to be a boy. And I have to figure that God would honor the thoughts in my heart as I processed everything that took place, and there’s not a doubt in my mind, that in my arms on this very day would have been a girl. I was planning on naming her Hannah. But when I miscarried, the name Hannah didn’t quite fit the situation I was faced with. I struggled with that for a few days because I wanted a name for the child I lost… a name I could reference in my thoughts. Then, as Ethan and I were playing in his playroom one afternoon, looked up and saw this hanging on our wall.

I found the plaque a few years ago at a specialty shop and I loved it. But on that day, it took on a whole new (and personal) meaning for me. Of course! Yes. Faith. “Baby Faith”. That’s how she came to be in the first place. A step of faith. Remember the wrestling I did with God on the fears I had about having another child? I wrote about it here. It was a step of faith that brought her to me in the first place. So yes. “Baby Faith” fit perfectly.

And I have to be honest here. I am not sad today. Actually, quite the opposite. I now understand without a hint of doubt that the Lord answered the question I agonized over for so long. You see, I felt content with just having Ethan. A family of three was just fine with me! But as time went on, I started to wonder and wrestle with whether or not I was really content or afraid. Was I really content to have only one child, or was I avoiding having more kids because I was afraid of repeating all of the things we went through with Ethan when he was a baby (with infant cancer, which they found to be a result of a genetic mutation). Was I thinking I could avoid having to trust the Lord with any other children or was I truly in a place of being at peace with where we were as a family?

I ultimately wasn’t sure, but I felt very strongly that above all, fear was having its way with my heart and mind and I needed to let it go. So into the capable and powerful Hands of God I jumped. And we got pregnant immediately. I really wasn’t sure how another child would affect our family dynamic, but I was trusting the Lord with the details. Truly at peace with whatever was in store. And then just a short while later I went to sleep for the night, pregnant, just as the previous weeks' routine had been, but this time, woke up… no longer so. There was a lot I didn’t understand. I thought I was following the Lord’s leading and obeying His desire for me to trust Him. But over the last few months, I’ve learned that what happened with my miscarrying was not me misunderstanding what the Lord wanted for my life. In fact, He was showing me what I needed to know . I now understand that I really am content with being a mother of one. I struggled with Ethan not having brothers or sisters, but I love that I will be able to say to him (when he’s old enough to understand) that he has a little sister in Heaven. Because it’s not for lack of trust or faith that he is an only child. Quite the opposite, actually. It took quite a bit of faith to get us to where we are now. And I’m good with it. All of it.

I’ve posted this picture before. It’s the only picture I have of me being pregnant with Baby Faith. (And It’s even more special because it was taken at a Leukemia Walk we were doing in honor of Ethan). I love the idea that I am a mommy of two. Because I am. One is my miracle here on earth. And the other is waiting for us in Heaven. That doesn’t make me sad today. It makes me excited. And don’t be tempted to think me naïve. Because I believe a baby is alive as soon as he/she is conceived. BabyCenter.com gives this detail for a baby’s development at 7-8 weeks pregnant :

7 weeks: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. If you could see inside your womb, you'd spot eyelid folds partially covering her peepers, which already have some color, as well as the tip of her nose and tiny veins beneath parchment-thin skin. Both hemispheres of your baby's brain are growing, and her liver is churning out red blood cells until her bone marrow forms and takes over this role. She also has an appendix and a pancreas, which will eventually produce the hormone insulin to aid in digestion. A loop in your baby's growing intestines is bulging into her umbilical cord, which now has distinct blood vessels to carry oxygen and nutrients to and from her tiny body.
8 weeks: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, [her] eyelids practically cover [her] eyes, breathing tubes extend from [her] throat to the branches of [her] developing lungs… In [her] brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.

Which makes a verse like Psalm 139:16 “Your [God’s] eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed…” even more meaningful when I think about my little girl being “whole” now in Heaven. Because she’s no longer unformed. She’s perfect. And I anticipate the day that we all get to meet her.

Today just wasn’t meant to be that day.

And that’s okay. Because I had her for a blink of an eye, and that was enough for now.

My husband found this for me, and I hung this in our bedroom as a two-fold reminder. First, that she is whole. And second, that through God’s grace, I am too.

Prayer Request

2011-06-04T09:38:00.003-04:00

This prayer request was sent to me via email by a sweet woman who followed and prayed through our own Ethan's journey through cancer.... and now, another Ethan (who is 3 years old just like my Ethan) is in need of our prayers. I implore you to add this family to your prayer lists, as the dad is deployed overseas while his family has to endure this horrible trial. They do not have a website, but they do have a facebook page titled "Praying for Ethan!". He is currently being treated at the same Children's Hospital here in Connecticut that we were... please pray for their miracle, too.

Hi Kasey,

I have been following your blog since your little boy first got sick, and am so heartened to see what God has done in your lives. You are such a faithful prayer warrior that I am prompted to ask you to pray for another Ethan. He is 3 ½ years old and was diagnosed last week with an inoperable brain tumor. His parents are Ben and Jamie, and the first doctor gave them no hope at all, just told them they would have to make tough decisions on quality of life vs. quantity at some point in the future. Ben is a chaplain in the Army and came home from Afghanistan on emergency leave when Ethan started having seizures 2 weeks ago. The family enlisted many prayer warriors, and within 48 hours, they had met with a neurosurgeon and an oncologist, and things started to get hopeful. Ethan went to CCMC yesterday and had a port inserted for chemo, which he will get once a week for a year. The chemo has a 90% chance of shrinking the tumor.

Ethan’s Aunt Keri is going to be marrying our youngest son in October; that is how we know the family. God willing, Ethan will be the ring bearer at the wedding. His dad has to return to Afghanistan next week, and will be done with his deployment in early October. I am committed to enlisting prayer warriors on Ethan’s behalf. Please feel free to add Ethan Chitwood to any prayer lists you have.

Thank you,
Mary

I love books.

2011-05-30T20:43:00.000-04:00

I do. I love books. I love bookstores. I love flipping through pages. I love old books that look like they've had many owners. I love new books that are fresh, crisp and never used. I just love books. In fact, it could be said that I love books more than I actually love to read. I do enjoy reading, but I rarely have the time (or the energy) these days. But still, and with good intentions, I go hunting for more books. Parenting. Self-discovery. Real stories of real lives. Fake stories of imagined lives. Inspirational. Make ya cry. Whatever I can relate to. I love books.

Which is why I don't think I could see myself with a Nook or Kindle or the like. Don't get me wrong, I am completely fascinated by them, I think it's amazing that nearly any book you want is at the touch of screen, thus taking away the need to have 10 books on your person during a vacation or an extra long flight. However, that's the part I enjoy, though. It makes luggage more cumbersome, and they find their home in any open space on the kitchen counter/side table/night stand. But there's something about turing a page; a worn book binding; a bookmark that my kiddo made in preschool.

A huge fan of technology am I. The fact that cell phones can almost think for us still amazes me. Wireless Interent is my best friend. On Demand movies and television shows that allow me the "get-caught-up-while-staying-comfy-on-the-sofa" type of ease is a luxury I thoroughly enjoy. And even though I know my bookshelf could easily be emptied of my books and replaced with fabric storage baskets that would provide a "Nate Berkus approved" decorative element to our bedroom, I simply can't do it.

Because I love books.

Menu for my sweat pea!

2011-05-27T08:14:00.002-04:00

So my dear little one is an extremely picky eater. We've made some headway the last few months, but he is still quite offended by most of the efforts I make at introducing him to new foods. He'd be content to eat goldfish crackers and BBQ chips for every meal of the day, every day! But, since I have better sense than letting him have his way in this matter, I've had to get mighty creative (and demanding!). I'm certainly fine with being sensitive to his likes/dislikes, which is why I try to pay attention to this aspect of his personality. But I also intend on making sure he's not just "getting his way" for the sake of "getting his way". For example, if he asks for something, then after I give it to him he asks for something else, he has to finish what he originally asked for before he gets anything else.

He isn't a fan of bread that's "soft", but he will eat it toasted. I think the kid has texture issues with bread. It can't be "mushy" or too soft or he touches it, makes a crazy face, and says, "no fank you, I not like it". Present a more "crunch" to the bread and he's all for it! Which makes sandwiches tricky. He isn't a fan of the traditional sandwich (won't eat peanut butter), but a grilled sandwich will work. Thin crust cheese pizza (I'm assuming because it's "crunchier"), but no other topping and certainly not a thicker crust. Now what gets me though, is that he likes waffles. Waffles are toasted, yes, but after you add the butter and syrup they get pretty darn mushy. But he gobbles 'em up. Who knows. He's an enigma most days. Par for the course when it comes to a three year old, I bet!

Corn, nope. But he likes green beans! Green peas make him gag. Literally. He won't chew them, he just tries to swallow the whole mouthful! Carrots he will eat as long as they are cooked and mixed in with mashed potatoes (I know, I don't get it either). Ham and turkey he prefers over chicken or beef. Strawberries and bananas and raisins are a favorite, but not pineapple or melons. Oatmeal, yes. Cereal, no. Cupcakes or any type of cake dessert, no. Cookies or a vanilla (he won't eat any other flavor) ice cream cone, yes. (He definitely takes after his dad on that last one, I don't care for cookies or ice cream, but sign me up for a good ole chocolate cake any day!)

So, in an effort to further expand his meal options, I've found some extra items/ideas that I'm going to start trying!

Omelets. I've done scrambled eggs which he tolerates without too much complaining, but haven't tried an omelet yet. I'm thinking I will add cheese and chopped spinach, etc to get more veggies in his cute little self.

Croissants. I know he has issues with soft bread, but that usually doesn't apply to a roll (for instance, he loves blueberry muffins!). Mainly, just the loaf of bread you buy at the store. Maybe I can get him to eat croissants with chicken salad. That sounds yummy to me, at least!

Fish. I'm thinking he would like a Mahi-Mahi, Tilapia or a grilled catfish. Easy to chew and yummy (unless you ask Adam, he hates fish). We'll see what Ethan thinks! I think this is on my mind because I had the best grilled cajun catfish the other day.... felt like I was living back down south again!

Tortilla creations. Rolled up with melted cheese, shredded chicken, etc. Or served with cold cuts, etc.

Ravioli and/or lasagna. To graduate him up from the "pasta stars and meat sauce" category.

So this is my goal over the next couple of weeks as far as his menu goes. Fingers crossed! I'd sure be nice to have a few more options on hand for his meals!

Do you know my God?

2011-05-23T14:19:00.012-04:00

I've often wondered how I could manage through the ins and outs of my daily life without the mercy, love, protection and grace of the Lord. And the answer is simple. I couldn't. Which is why I've felt it was extremely important that I share (via Lifeway.com) how anyone can have the mercy, grace, love and eternal protection from the same miraculous God I serve.

________________________________________

Salvation Through Christ: A Matter of FAITH

What do you think it takes for someone to get to heaven? Is it luck? Good deeds? Nothing at all? Or is there something more? The Bible has the real answer to this question. It's a matter of FAITH.

F stands for FORGIVENESS. We cannot have eternal life without God's forgiveness. Ephesians 1:7a says, "In Him (Jesus Christ) we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins."

A is for AVAILABLE. Forgiveness is available for all. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." But forgiveness is not automatic. "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven," says Matthew 7:21a.

I is for IMPOSSIBLE. It is impossible for God to allow sin into heaven because of who He is and because of who we are. God is loving and just, but His judgment is against sin. James 2:13a says, "Because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful." We are sinful people. Romans 3:23 tells us, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

T is for TURN. To turn means to repent. We can repent -- or turn -- from our sin and from ourselves. "But unless you repent, you too will all perish," Luke 13:3b says. We can also turn to Someone. Trust Christ alone. Romans 10:9 tells us how: "That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."

H is for HEAVEN. Heaven is eternal life. Here, that means life "to the full:" "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10b)." In the hereafter, it means the promise of heaven: "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am (John 14:3)."

So how can a person have God's forgiveness, heaven and eternal life, and Jesus as personal Savior and Lord? By trusting in Christ and asking Him for forgiveness. Take the step of faith described by another meaning of FAITH: Forsaking All I Trust Him.

You do this through a simple prayer reflecting your desire for Christ to change your life. You don't need fancy words--only an honest heart. You can pray something like this:

Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner and have displeased You in many ways. I believe You died for my sin, and only through faith in Your death and resurrection can I be forgiven. I want to turn from my sin and ask You to come into my life as my Savior and Lord. From this day on, I will follow You by living a life that pleases You. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for saving me. Amen.

Accepting Christ is just the beginning of a wonderful adventure with God! Get to know Him better in a number of ways:

• Follow Christ's example in baptism.

• Join a church where you can worship God and grow in your faith.
• In your church, get involved in Sunday School and Bible study.
• Begin a daily personal worship experience with God where you study the Bible and pray.

We’d love to hear from you -- Please feel free to ask us any questions you have about becoming a Christian, or tell us about your decision to follow Jesus Christ.

________________________________________

Or just ask me, kasey_krawiec@yahoo.com.

I would love to introduce you to my Savior.

"By grace you are saved through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift - not from works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

"If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. With the heart one believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth one confesses, resulting in salvation." (Romans 10:9-10)

I'm tired... and I'm tired of...

2011-05-19T13:06:00.003-04:00

I'm too tired to come up with anything creative to blog about lately. So the question is, why am I too tired? That's an excellent question. And I've got another good ole' fashioned list for ya to help answer that.

1. My three year old is up before 5:30 every morning. Monday, it was 4:40 in the morning.... and he was singing Old MacDonald had a farm. That was a total of 8 hours of sleep for him that night.

2. My three year old is high energy and go, go, go. I think it's safe to say he gets that part of his personality from his dad.

3. My three year old is sweet but stubborn and takes every ounce of self control I've got to be consistent in training him in what behaviors are acceptable, what a good vs. bad attitude means, how to use an "inside voice", how to use the potty in public without making a mess every single time, and well, you get the idea....

4. No matter how much laundry I do, there never seems to be a bottom to the dirty clothes basket.

5. I have chronic insomnia.

6. Oh, and did I mention I have a very busy three year old? Yeah. Well, motherhood is exhausting. (Can I get an amen out there!)

Now on to what I am tired of....

1. Hearing about all of the hoopla around Oprah's show coming to an end.

2. Having hardly anything worth watching on TV anymore.

3. All politicians and their lack of professionalism and decorum.

4. The cold weather we are STILL having here in the northeast.

5. Not having enough mental focus to get though the excellent books I have piled up somewhere on either my night stand, kitchen counters, or stairs.... or maybe there's a few of them in each place. I'm too tired to remember if I picked up after myself or not. Which probably means, not.

6. Complaining about how tired I am! *wink*

Ok... I got all of the cranky out of my system for the day :o)

I've never...

2011-05-14T21:07:00.002-04:00

I was reading The Mom Creative's blog today and saw one of her recent posts was an "I've never....." list. And since I found myself thinking over what my own "I've never" list would look like (and how much of her list would mirror my own), I figured I'd just type one out.

I've never had a gym membership that didn't end up being a waste of money for the mere fact that I stopped going after a few months.... which is always before the membership contract has expired!

I've never had lobster (mainly because all other shellfish makes me sick to my stomach, so really, why even bother!)

I've never worn fake eye lashes.

I've never used the Yahoo search engine, even though I use yahoo for my email and for our home page. I'm a Google kind of gal.

I've never paid for shipping on Amazon.com.

I've never liked any other kind of soda drink besides Dr. Pepper/Diet Dr. Pepper.

I've never been to Washington DC, though my immediate family has. Several times.

I've never thought that the best was behind me. The best is always yet to come.

I've never loved the color orange as much as I do now. Orange is the color for leukemia awareness. And I must really love it... it's the color of our kitchen walls! (Think a beautiful warm, rusty color... not "halloween-y").

And I've never really known where I'm going to end up in the Master's plan... but so far, the journey has been both unusual and exceptional!

The Meanest Mother

2011-05-10T15:26:00.002-04:00

My mother-in-law forwarded this poem via email and since it reminded me so much of how I grew up, I thought I'd share it all with you! I still found ways to be sneaky, but looking back and knowing everything I know now, I am so thankful I had "mean" parents, too! :o)

The Meanest Mother

We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.

When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them.

She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

She had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work…we had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs.

I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds.

Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

Because of our mother, we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property, or ever arrested for any crime.

It was all her fault.

We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night, or a million other things, other kids did.

Sundays were reserved for church, and we never missed once.

Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.

I think that’s what is wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms anymore.

(Author Unknown)

There's a life lesson 24/7

2011-05-04T15:17:00.000-04:00

It's very hard to admit when you're wrong or when you've wronged someone. It's a humbling experience to have to admit your imperfection. And what's interesting, I didn't realize how young the distaste for apologizing starts in our lives... until this morning.

Ethan was repeatedly disobedient to his preschool teacher on Monday. She told me about the situation and I spent the next 48 hours training Ethan (which is an ongoing process for young 'uns!) on the correct way to behave/respond, etc. And part of his "training" process was to apologize to his teacher today for his disobedience on Monday (he goes to preschool on Mon. and Wed. mornings). He was completely ready and fully understood the plan. He knew he had disobeyed, he knew it was wrong, and he knew he needed to apologize. He even "practiced" what he was going to say.

Perfect plan...

At home, anyway.

When we got to school this morning, his demeanor completely changed. He wouldn't walk up to her. Which was odd. He's typically extremely outgoing! Can't get into his classroom fast enough! But this morning he said, "mommy go with me". So I picked him up and walked him over to his sweet teacher. He was supposed to say, "I sorry for not obey" (that's how he says it). But he couldn't. He couldn't even look at her. He buried his face into my shoulder and clung to my neck. He wasn't afraid of her; he loves his teachers. But he was experiencing what we all experience when faced with the challenge of admitting we were wrong. He felt vulnerable. He felt embarrassed. A lesson in Humility. After some stern coaxing from mommy, he finally said, "I sorry for not obey". But wow... for a child who is NEVER quiet, those were the quietest words he'd ever spoken!

It was a reminder to me at how big things are happening in the minds of our little children. Their perceptions. Their understanding. Everything is a life lesson. Everything is shaping their character. It's overwhelming to try to comprehend the expansive role parents play in the lives of their kids. Just makes me all the more thankful for God's grace is with us every step of the way!

Prayer Needed

2011-04-29T12:16:00.003-04:00

If you started following my blog three years ago (or anytime in between) via my first blog, http://www.ethankrawiec.blogspot.com/, then you know that my start in this "blog world" was propelled by my desire to share the journey we were experiencing through our (at the time) infant's battle with cancer. I leave that blog up, so that the message and the content can forever be an encouragment to anyone who has to walk the path we walked. And any time I hear of another child, whether I know them personally or not, who has been sadly diagonsed with leukemia, my heart goes out to that family.

Because.... I know.

I remember.

And tears flow. Partly because I understand the shock their lives have encountered and the pain that goes along with it. And partly, tears of joy. Joy because we know firsthand that miracles are real, and because I might be able to pass on a glimpse of that same hope to that family.

When you find out your child has cancer, you don't often get "hope" in the messages that the doctors give you. They are careful to be honest and thorough in the details, but also assure you that they will do everything they can. But you really don't dare allow yourself to get your hopes up. And, sadly, most stories of loved ones that have cancer don't often close with a happy ending (as we would define a happy ending here on earth by way of that loved one being able to stay here with us). Which is all the more reason for my crying when I hear of a child and their leukemia diagnosis. Ours is a story of hope. And the point of our story, I've always felt, is for the hope we experienced to be passed on. So, if you know our story, pass it on. Pass on the Hope. Remember, he was only given a 20% chance of survival.

But....

That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. (1 Corinthians 2:5)

And Ethan is as healthy as three year old boy can be. Only God can do that. THAT is Hope to a family walking their darkest days. Not because we are anything special, but because God graciously allowed special things to happen through the vessel of our child.

And I made a committment to the Lord through these verses;

"Hear, O LORD, and have mercy on me; LORD, be my helper! You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever." Psalm 30:10-12

That I would not be silent. I will share the hope of the miracle we've experienced. Because when you see nothing but darkness, you will grasp for ANY sort of light. Any sort of hope. And His Light; His Hope - that's our story. So share it with anyone who needs it. And if there's ever a friend or family that I could ever encourage, I pray you send them my way.

On that note, please join me in praying for Bella. I saw their prayer request on another blog. I don't know them personally, but that doesn't matter, does it? Most of you sweethearts have never met us, either. Bella is two years old and was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Her family has a website here, http://joinbellasjourney.com/. I'm posting a picture from their photo gallery. How adorable is she!? Please let them know you will be praying for them and please do pray. For strength for her parents and healing for her.

Another round of "Ethan-isms"

2011-04-27T15:33:00.001-04:00

I recently realized that most of my latest facebook status updates revolve around the funny things that Ethan has said lately, so... I thought I'd post a few of those here!

I heard Ethan "reading" some books out loud after I put him down for a nap. He usually reads/talks himself to sleep, but today after he finished all of his books, he said "MOMMY!! I ALL DONE WITH BOOKS, WHAT DO NEXT??" I went upstairs, opened his door and said, "How about going to nite-nite." He said, "oh, okay". If only everything we encounter with him had that compliant attitude!

It was so nice outside yesterday afternoon. Ethan and I spent an hour and a half outside in the yard and down the street at the park! It was fantastic, but before we left the house Ethan freaked out because he said "we forgot" to put on his coat. Poor kid has been wearing a coat for 5 months he'd forgotten what life was like without one!

Ethan was hitting his plastic golf ball around his playroom and then couldn't find it.... so all of a sudden I hear him saying, "Ball, Ball where ARE you???" He walked all over the downstairs repeating the question and feverishly waiting for the ball to appear. I don't think he understand that "hide and seek" doesn't work with toys.

Ethan has this giant sticker book and he is pulling off stickers and sticking them all over the sofa cushion. He pulls off a large ambulance sticker and said, "Mommy I ride in this bus with no shoes on!!" Which is true, when we rode in the ambulance the other day, I failed to put his shoes on. So funny how THAT of all things that morning stood out to him :o)

Ethan loves watching videos of himself as a baby and so I showed him the videos of when he was at the hospital for treatments. I said, "Ethan, when you were a baby you were very sick BUT God made you all better! Can you say thank you to God for making you all better?" He said, "Thank you God making my poo poo all better." Ummm... clearly I need to revisit this when he's older!

I think Ethan thinks our mailman is some sort of hero. Last week the mailman brought us sticker books and today he brought a Handy Manny movie. Ethan is enthralled. Didn't have the heart to tell him that the mailmain is just delivering what mommy ordered :o)

I'm still cracking up that Ethan randomly calls Adam "babe" from time to time. Adam put E to bed tonight and lately he has been notorious for calling us back up the stairs for any particular reason so he can delay going to bed. Tonight, Ethan was yelling through the door "Daddy! Daddy! " - no response from Adam going back up there so Ethan said, "Hey babe! BABE!! Pease con here one mow time, thats all."

Busy!

2011-04-19T19:58:00.002-04:00

I have been extremely busy lately! Started a new "work from home" job this past week and it seems my free time has been obsolete! And add on top of that the delightful ways Ethan has decided to assert himself lately (aka: pushing the boundaries, disobeying, and sprinkle in some extra doses of whining & tantrums). Yes, delightful. So you can easily see the OTHER ways in which I've been busy... disciplining and training a preschooler is tough work!!

So the good ole' blog has had to take a back seat.

However...

I have a minute right now, while my sweet husband is cooking dinner, and I wanted to share this picture with you.

Yep, that's our little man up on a HUGE screen at the Leukemia Lymphoma fundraiser gala I was at recently. It was seriously as big as a movie theater screen. I stood up on the stage in front of it (however, I'm not in this particular picture), when I spoke to the group. It was a wonderful feeling for this mommy. Doesn't he look like such a little man?! My little three year old. When I referenced him in my speech, I said that this "larger than life" picture was extremely fitting because he has a "larger than life" personality! If the night wasn't so late (and way past his bed time) Ethan could have joined me (in person).... but as with any 3 year old.... staying up til 10:00pm would quickly prove that "personality" to be quite, um, "big". So they were better off looking at a cute picture, instead.

Ok, well, that's all I've got right now. Gotta go move the laundry from the washer to the dryer!

Talk about a whirlwind!

2011-04-11T13:45:00.007-04:00

The last several days have been nuts around here! I'm sitting here tonight just long enough for my head to stop spinning and I thought I'd post a quick synopsis of what's been going on in our corner of the world.

So... let's start with this past Thursday morning (the morning of my previous blog post). I've mentioned many times I'm sure, that Ethan is an early riser. So our morning around here ALWAYS start earlier than 6 AM. However, this momma ain't fully functioning til close to 7:00. I'm a walking zombie from 5:30 til 7:00 in the morning and unabashedly rely on Sprout and Disney Junior to entertain Ethan until my energy kicks in. But I will tell you what will get your adrenaline going bright an early on any day of the week.... making an emergency 911 call while your son's head is bleeding all over the place.

Yes. You read that correctly.

It was about 7:20 this past Thursday morning when Ethan climbed onto our recliner. He knows he isn't supposed to do this (and I bet going forward he will definitely think twice!), but he climbed onto the arm of our recliner and strattled his legs on either side of it. He's a daredevil and a monkey. Not a good combination, though I understand it's common in boys! Anyway, the recliner rocks back and forth so he decided to start rocking and before I could get to him, he fell backwards off the side of it. Of course, he started screaming and crying. As I am picking him up, I'm saying "see, this is why mommy tells you NOT to do that!".... then I see his hand go behind his head and come back full of blood. I panic. I looked down and realized that his head had fallen right on the base of our iron floor lamp and hit the very sharp corner of the lamp. Let me just say I have NEVER seen so much blood in my life. And it was coming out of my baby's head! I immediately start shaking. He is still screaming and blood is still pouring. I put my hand back there and my hand and arm immediately covered in blood. At this point I have NO IDEA how bad the damage is because I can't see anything but blood. Now it's everywhere. I call 911 (for the first time in my life!) and I am sure I sounded like a crazy woman! Within a few minutes two firetrucks and an ambulance arrive. My house immediately has 10 large men standing in it. Let's not forget that it's about 7:30 in the morning. Still in my pj's, unbrushed teeth, and in a frantic state of mind. We're able to control the bleeding but a trip to the ER is necessary to further assess any damage. Adam had already left for work, so I called him after I called 911 and just told him to meet us at the hospital. After a few hours, we were back home. And can you believe, not a stitch or staple was needed?! I couldn't believe it. They said it wasn't deep enough for any treatment.

I still think it was several more hours before my heart stopped beating in rapid pace.

All the while, Ethan is perfectly fine. He enjoyed the ambulance ride and was acting like nothing ever happened! He complained of his head hurting a few times the rest of the day, but after some Tylenol seemed fine. I still can't believe it, but am surely thankful!

Coming back home the area near the floor lamp, our sofa cushion and pillow looked like a crime scene. It was awful.... all the blood (you'll see his bloody shirt below). But my friend suggestion peroxide to get it out of the carpet and furniture and it worked great!

Here's our little trooper at the hospital....

Never a dull moment with him, that's for sure!

So... that was Thursday.

Friday was a busy day. Ethan and I had a playgroup to attend that morning, followed by a migraine for me around lunch time, and a prayer of thanks for Imitrex migraine medication BECAUSE I had to speak that night at a fundraising event for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. I was so nervous I was going to have to cancel thanks to the migraine.... but that medicine is a miracle drug for me, so after about 2 hours, I felt alive again. So then I was off to the fundraising gala. It was quite an event! I've never seen such high dollar stuff at a silent auction followed by unbelievable items and trips in a live auction! We're talking minimum bids of around $5,000. Um, yeah.... I am sure I was the only non-millionaire in the room! But that's just fine with me because all of those folks there that were bidding and winning were writing checks that were going directly into Leukemia and Lymphoma research and I love it! I geared my speech towards how we greatly appreciate the work the LLS does because the money they raise for research directly impacted JMML (the type of leukemia Ethan had) improvements and protocols over the years. Seven years ago children who became ill with JMML died. Because it was so rare they didn't have research on how to treat it! Thankfully, major strides have been made in this area via clinical trials and new methods of treatments, and I was encouraging the group with the fact that the money they donate isn't just going into some black hole. Quite the contrary. They are contributing to miracles! It was a great night and I was honored to be there! AND how cool that the night fell on the exact 3 year anniversary of Ethan's diagnosis. Gave me chills!

THEN that brings us to Saturday. Which was mine and Adam's 6 year wedding anniversary. And we went and did lots of fun stuff over the weekend. Six years of marriage. Wowsers. I love our relationship. We're feisty, loving, stubborn, fun, crazy, cranky, committed, and well... maybe that all just describes me. No, he's stubborn sometimes too! But ultimately, he's loving and committed. And no, it's not lovey-dovey all of the time. Because, heck, there are just times we are at odds. We both have very strong personalities (though he is much sweeter than I am!) and see things very differently. We can be in the middle of a "difference of opinion" that has turned into me going to bed mad.... just keepin' it real..... and it's usually because I am the more stubborn one by far! BUT. There's never a question about whether or not we love each other. Or whether or not we are fully committed to each other. And that's what I love. That's what is wrapped up in our 6 years of marriage. We know each other. I know his reactions, his dislikes, his personality. And he knows me extremely well. He anticipates my needs in amazing ways. And understands and accepts me... especially all of my quirks! He is truly everything I prayed for in a husband. And I pray Ethan grows up to be just like his daddy.

His wife will feel like a queen if that's the case.

Whew.... see what I mean.... whirlwind!

It's been 3 years....

2011-04-07T07:09:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow (Friday) is April 8, 2011.

The 3 year anniversary of Ethan's cancer diagnosis.

April 8, 2008 will forever go down as the most shocking and most horrible day of our lives. Our 11 week old baby is acting funny. I take him to the pediatrician, crying because I don't understand why my baby won't eat OR stay awake for longer than a few minutes at a time. We go to the ER for some bloodwork.... and as we sit in this tiny room with our son for 7 hours, the worst thing we're thinking is that he has some sort of virus or infection. Then, at 11:00pm that night, 4 doctors including our pediatrician walk into that room to tell us our 11 week old baby has leukemia. Cancer. And we are admitted right away. No time to think. No time to process. No time to understand. All that we know is that he is dying. And in need of immediate treatment. And in the weeks and months that followed, we learned that the odds were stacked against him. The type of cancer he had left him less than a 20% chance of survival.

BUT. Those were the medical stats. NOT God's plan.

3 years later, Ethan is 3 years and 11 weeks old. And 100% healthy.

I look back on those days and especially when the anniversary comes around, with a great deal of emotion and gratitude. I was about 20 minutes early in picking Ethan up from preschool today. His class was making their way out to the playground and I sat in the car and just watched him. Jumping, sliding, swinging, laughing, running... a perfect picture of a vibrant little boy. Not a care in the world, except about whether to throw the ball in the little basketball hoop or kick it across the field. He opts for both options :o) I just sat there and cried. Thanking God with my tears because words just failed me. Oh how thankful I am that Ethan was just a baby when everything happened. Completely unaware of what was going on. I immediately prayed for those who are battling the same battle we faced, but with their older children... who are old enough to be confused, sad and understand that they are away from school or their friends, etc. Crying. It's all I could do as I watched my little miracle playing today. Tears of gratitude. Tears of joy. But, I had to regain my composure as it was nearing time to go get him! I hugged him a little tighter as we walked to the car. Snuggled with him a little longer before nap time today. He's an early riser, who is energetic, feisty, stubborn, lovable, sweet, funny and observant. Mr. Independent. A miracle. And I wouldn't trade any part of the journey we've been on...

Fighting to Survive....

And 3 years later.... Thriving!

Thank you, Lord. We praise You

for the miracle you've done in his life.

And the unending miracle his life will continue to prove to be.

Our gratefulness to You is beyond words.

okay, it's later....

2011-03-30T11:19:00.007-04:00

"When we learn to accept people who disappoint us by no longer requiring them to satisfy us, then we're free to love them, to reach toward them for their sake without having to protect ourselves from feeling disappointed by their response to us." - Larry Crabb

Outside of all the life-giving truth in the Bible, I don't know that another set of words has impacted me as much as the above quote. I first read this on the facebook status of a friend of mine. I skimmed it at first, but I had to go back and read it again. The truth slapped me in the face with the kind of "wake up call" my perspective desperately needed. Though I didn't know I needed it.

I would venture to say that most everyone has to deal with toxic people or toxic relationships in our lives. Maybe in our past. Maybe in our present. Maybe in our future. Our immediate family. Our extended family. The family we married into. A friend we've known all of our life. A person we have to work with. In any or all of those scenarios we can encounter people we have to be around, though may not always enjoy being around.

In any or all of those scenarios we may have a relationship with someone who takes and takes what you give and give. Never giving back. And the giving we do can be in the form of love, forgiveness, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, etc. And the "taking" they do is anything that's the opposite of giving those things back to you. For example, you extend love only to have them wrong you again. You give kindness only to have them return selfishness or zero appreciation. There is never an equal amount of give and take. Like love given then love given back.

And it's even harder when the relationship is a parent, child or another loved one that we feel is supposed to love us equally back in the ways we feel is expected.

But that's where this quote hit me square between the eyes. To me, this quote is the perfect description of what it means to extend true forgiveness to someone. There is always the option to just walk away from the toxic people in our life. Cut them out, so to speak. But we can't always do that. Nor does that really solve anything. Now, I'm not saying that if there's a crazy person who works at the grocery store who chats you up everytime you're in her line and her words make you cringe... by all means, avoid that lane when possible. (Self-check out is a wonderful thing!) But your mother, your sister, your brother, your father-in-law, your teenage child, your grandmother, your aunt, etc.... avoiding them isn't as easy. Those are the types of relationships and people in our life that I'm referring to.

We are all broken in some way or another. We are all full of one mistake followed quickly by the next. We are all broken.

And likewise, we all feel wronged when we aren't given back what we feel we were gracious to give in the first place.

But. If we can get to a point in which we accept that person regardless of what we get in return from them, then there is much freedom. I can fully attest to this. For the sake of privacy, I can't fully explain, but there is a relationship in my life in which I was often hurt, frustrated and angry that this loved one never gave back to me what I felt I needed from her. She never met my expectations. She didn't fit the mold I had in my mind that she should fill. What was I getting out of this relationship aside from heartache and disappointment... not much. Not much at all. And that's where this quote summed it all up so perfectly.

If I could learn to understand and accept her for who she is, even though she disappoints me, and not put a requirement on the relationship for her to give me anything back in return that would satisfy a feeling or expectation, then I really am free to love her without all the pressure. (That was a heavy sentence. You may need to read that again!).

Essentially, learning that I can reach out to her for her own sake and her own feelings and her own needs without having to protect myself from being further disappointed that I didnt' get the response back from her that I previously wanted. Giving love and acceptance without expecting anything in return. Because I can make it not "about me" in situations and relationships like that. I can take it for what it is.

Does that make sense? I think it makes everything so much more clear. The essence of forgiveness. Telling myself that I can love and accept that person for who they are, even if they are messy or broken. And I can reach out to them in love and leave it at that... because I can also recognize that, in my own ways, I am messy and broken too.

chew on this

2011-03-27T16:22:00.005-04:00

"When we learn to accept people who disappoint us
by no longer requiring them to satisfy us,

then we're free to love them,
to reach toward them for their sake

without having to protect ourselves
from feeling disappointed by their response to us."

- Larry Crabb

Let this concept soak in. I'll be back to give my take on it later...

-

march madness

2011-03-19T13:49:00.003-04:00

So my husband is obsessed with this time of year. Wait... did I say obsessed? Lower-case letters doesn't do it justice. I should say my husband is O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D. with this time of year. It's seriously his version of, oh I don't know, Christmas morning for a typical seven year old! And his version of "Christmas" lasts FOREVER. He watches every single college basketball tournament games. Follows his bracket with all of his likewise crazed buddies (even though most of them are out of state and they bust each others chops via text message, etc) and he loves every minute of it.

Did I mention he takes the Thursday and Friday of March Madness off every year?? Simply so he can soak it all up, eat pizza and wings, and just enjoy life. Um yeah. I'm not kidding.

He's trying to get Ethan into it too. But at the ripe ole age of three, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse still trumps college basketball for the most part. However, Ethan is very much aware when UCONN is playing (that would be the University of Connecticut for those that live down South and have no idea! Don't feel bad, because I had never heard of the school before I moved here!). UCONN would be my husband's ultimate college basketball team, of course, and Ethan (following in his daddy's footsteps) knows several of the players names and yells them at the TV right on cue when Adam does. It's hilarious!

But anyway, back to the obsession. I mean is there anything you want to watch from noon til midnight EVERY SINGLE DAY for 3 weekends in a row? Yes, noon til midnight. Crazy. But truth be told, it doesn't bother me. And I'm happy to let him be in his little zone while he enjoys his "holiday" (hey, he works very hard, gives me and Ethan anything we need or want, and he doesn't ask for much in return!).

Anyway, why bring this up? Well, partly because basketball is very much fried into my brain lately so it's only natural that my thoughts would reflect that in the blog world, but also because I think it's interesting how vastly different we are. (Even my 3 year old is very set in his various routines and his personality is very distinct.)

My husband doesn't watch ANYTHING on television except sports. Seriously. Nothing else. The only things on his "extracuricular" radar (and to which he is very loyal!) is basketball (college and NBA, especially when UCONN, the Knicks and the Celtics are involved), baseball (huge Red Sox fan), and football (huge Giants fan). He is extremely passionate about these teams. He's likewise very passionate about coaching basketball. It's not his day job, but he does it on the side for our Christian school and he loves it! It's no surprise, is it, that Ethan's first official word was in fact, "bada-ball"! The rest of his everyday life could be captured in a snapshot like this: he's very focused, has his days/weeks planned out to a tee and likes when everything falls perfectly into place. He likes things to be predictable.

I, on the other hand, don't really have isolated, passionate interests. I'm a bit more "generalized" in my interests. I like to read, I like to watch a handful of shows, I enjoy a good movie, I like having nothing to do, I like having something to do. A little bit more spontaneous and go with the flow. I like hanging out with friends, I like chillin' out by myself in a quiet house. Kind of like, "whatever I feel like at the moment". I have a general plan for my day or week, but I always know it's subject to change on a whim. Needless to say, the only thing predictable about me is my ever changing mind! And on a side note, while I do have a lot of things I like or enjoy doing, I'm not going to stay up until midnight for any of it, because, let's face it, I require sleep! And my *ahem* alarm goes off every morning around 5:15 (that alarm would be the aforementioned 3 year old).

Anyway, I bring this up because this is one of those times when I realize how different my hubby and I are - and how that has translated in our son's personality - and yet, what a great "blend" it makes for our relationship. The areas that aren't my strong suit, happen to be areas in which he thrives. And the areas in which he isn't naturally inclined to do, my personality helps bring it out in him. It's a good match. A very good match. And while I couldn't care less if Kentucky beats West Virginia, I won't change the channel to the NCIS marathon because a) I've seen those episodes before and b) I like it when my darling dear is happy. And as of this minute, his bracket is doing pretty good and UCONN is still in the race so he is very happy! (Oh, and I do know that last sentence is subject to change based on how the games go in the next several days/weeks, but you get the idea!)

And me, well, I enjoyed some alone time this morning doing some spring/summer clothes shopping for Ethan so I'm quite happy too!

We are a unique pair. And we're always laughing at each other. We are different. And if I took the time to list out everything you'd see that we are VERY different. But, I appreciate that we are different. It's annoying only sometimes. Most of the time, I'm thankful we bring such a good balance to this little family of ours.

Mommy Bloopers!

2011-03-11T14:11:00.004-05:00

Now that Ethan can easily repeat things that he hears, I seem to be in a constant state of awareness. Over-hearing a commercial on the TV where the word "stupid" is said, now makes me cringe. Or my long-standing "SHUT UP!" when my sister or a girlfriend tells me something that takes me by surprise... for example when my little sis called me not too long ago to tell me that she was pregnant, my "Kasey" response was "WHAT!?!? SHUT UP!!"..... However, now that my little one has his ears and mouth in tune to his surroundings more than ever before, I find myself needing to tweak my every day "Kasey" mouth. I don't want my three year old going around town saying "What?? Shut up!". It wouldn't come across in the same context in which he heard it, but it doesn't matter.... that was a bad word when I was growing up (meaning of course, we got in trouble if we ever told someone to shut up, etc).

I'm not concerned about Ethan picking up "bad words" because we don't say them. But I am concerned about him picking up not-necessarily-pleasant words... and his mother seems to be the worse at making those mistakes!

I say "Oh My Goodness" all of the time. It's my standard reaction to almost anything. I never paid attention to this, of course, until Ethan started saying it.... all of the time. On rare occassions, when I am extremely irritated or extremely shocked by something, I will say, "OH. MY. GOSH." However, I do NOT say that anymore! At least I try not too.... Ethan said, "oh my gosh" one day after I did, and it sounded like he took the Lord's name in vain. I froze! From then on we know that "gosh" is not acceptable. He knows he will get in trouble if he says it... only "goodness" is allowed.

So what did I do yesterday? I was on the phone and I said, "Oh my gosh! You have got to be kidding me!". Ethan tapped me on the leg and said, "mommy say gosh, Ethan say gosh?". Oops... Mommy Blooper! I told him I was sorry and I sat myself in time out :o)

Another Mommy Blooper happened a few weeks ago. I was changing Ethan's diaper (side note: we are in the middle of potty training) and I didn't realize that he had gone "number 2". So I had to leave him for a second to grab some extra wipes and when I did he stood up, thus leaving a few "marbles" rolling off of him and onto the floor. (Lovely picture, I know). Ethan thought my reaction to the whole thing was funny and I was trying to get him to lay back down, while also managing the ever rolling "marbles"! Adam heard my distress from the other room and asked me what happened. I said, "Ethan's poop is getting on the floor!". Adam said, "What is getting on the floor?" POOP! I said again. He couldn't leave the tv in the other room because of the gut wrenching college basketball game that was on, and all the while I am in the living room with Ethan who was still dancing around laughing at the ridiculousness of it all... and I'm still scrambling to get everything cleaned up. Adam yelled back one last time, "What did you say was rolling all over the floor?" I was frustrated and irritated and tired of yelling back and forth so I shouted "A TURD!!! THERE IS A TURD ROLLING ON THE FLOOR!!"

We died laughing at that point. Because 1) That is just not a word I ever use and 2) When Adam came into the room it was quite a scene. Ethan laughing and dancing (still diaper-less) and me just laughing at all the ridiculous yelling we were doing to just talk about poop. It was just absurd.

Fast forward to the next day. Ethan had a lovely "number 2" diaper again. As I went to change his diaper he said, "mommy, no turkey". I had no idea what he meant, but he was grabbing his diaper so that I couldn't open it and kept saying, "no mommy! no turkey!". I said, "honey it's just a poo poo diaper, it's okay". He said, "NO TURKEY, MOMMY!". It took me a minute.... but I figured he was referring to my lovely choice of word from the day before... turd. He interpretted it as "turkey" and, remembering the goofy reaction it had caused, he wanted to be sure that THIS poopy diaper didn't have a turkey in it.

Ummm.... yes.... Mommy Blooper.

Now - nearly a month later - he still cannot go through a poopy diaper change without asking me if there is a turkey in there. I have to assure him that there is no turkey in his diaper. And the thing is, he knows what a turkey is... you know, the animal. So I have no idea what he's actually thinking about the whole thing. Whatever it is, I am sure he's traumatized. And Thanksgiving may never be the same for him...

Mommy Bloopers. Gotta watch out for those!

Finally!

2011-03-04T12:34:00.002-05:00

It's about time I post some overdue pictures!

Just a little window into the world of Ethan enjoying his playroom, some of his toys and his 3rd birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese! Oh and Ethan chose his daddy as the one to get into the "ticket machine"... it was hilarious! And Adam did a fantastic job! He got Ethan over 750 tickets! Talk about the "awesome daddy award" (and the picture is below :o)

My Sweet Ethan, The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore. (Psalm 121:5-8)

A Kasey Q and A

2011-02-28T14:02:00.002-05:00

Occassionally I will get asked, "What ______ do you use?". The questions usually have to do with my hair or make up but they can get as random as what kind of tooth paste I use for Ethan. So I thought it would be fun to do a blog post about the "stuff" I always have on hand that helps keep my life running smoothly!

I'll start with the hair questions first:

1. I color my own hair. I buy a box of L'Oreal Preference Light Amber Brown (6AM) and apply it all over. I also buy a box of just highlights. Any brand will do, I usually grab whichever is on sale. The only stipulation is that it has to be a highlighting kit meant for darker rather than lighter hair (which means it's a box of caramel colored highlights). I do the all over color first. Wash then dry. Then just pick out random chunks of my hair and apply the highlight. There's no rhyme or reason to it, I just go with what feels right. Since I have really short hair, I can get away with it not having to be exact! Then I wash and dry again and then it's all done. Soooo much cheaper than doing it at a salon and since I've been doing it a while, I trust my judgement/results than I do their's anyway - win/win. However, I do NOT cut my own hair. I do have my limits, ya know!

2. I use Garnier Fructis hairspray (number 3). I can get quite a bit of volume with my short 'do, and this hairspray (and all the comb teasing I do!) helps it all to stay put! I spray. Let it dry. Then spray all over again. Let it dry, then do it one more time. Then it's complete! And when it comes time to brush it out at the end of the day, it brushes out easily and my hair still feels soft afterwards!

Make up and other related questions:

1. First of all, I think I mentioned before that I don't spend a lot of money on make up. The cheap stuff works great! I use Covergirl, Maybelline, L'Oreal, Rimmel, Almay, and Revlon. I just pick and choose various combinations and see what works best with me. I do splurge on occassion when I'm shopping at Ulta, but almost all of the stuff I use comes from Target or Walgreens!

2. I wash my face with the original Neutrogena translucent bar of soap (I have ever since I was a teen). I use St. Ives Apricot Exfoliating Scrub afterwards. Then Oil of Olay daily face lotion with spf. Now, on the days or nights that I am too lazy I will grab a baby wipe and use it to wipe off all the make up (yes, it works just as good as the "make up remover wipes" they sell. Then I will use a cotton ball and the basic Oil of Olay toner and get any excess off, then the lotion goes on.

3. I only wear two perfumes. Either Burberry (the original, which I wear the most) or Pleasures (which I only wear occassionally).

What medicines are always in our medicine cabinets:

Because you NEVER know what you may need at any given moment....

1. Children's Tylenol (or the store brand since tylenol has been on recall)
2. Children's Motrin
3. Children's Benadryl
4. Pedia-Lax (for those times Ethan has been EXTREMELY constipated)
5. My prescription migraine meds
6. Advil Liquid Gels (also carry these in my purse)
7. Tylenol PM
8. Hydrocortisone Cream
9. Immodium
10. Vaseline
11. Hydrogen Peroxide
12. Claritin
13. Mucinex
14. Tylenol Cold and Flu
15. Band-aids and Bandages (also carry them in the diaper bag)
16. Neosporin (also in the diaper bag)
17. Alcohol wipes
18. An ear thermometer

My favorite cleaning supplies:
(No, I've never been asked this one, but I thought I'd add it to the list since I can't live without them!)

1. Tide with Actilift. Or Tide with Downy. The actilift is excellent for all the stains that arrive on Ethan's clothes and the Tide with Downy makes our towels and sheets smell FANTASTIC!

2. Clorox disinfectant wipes. I use them on E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.!

3. Febreeze to freshen up furniture (either the pink or the purple scents).

4. Lysol Neutra Air Fabric Mist (like febreeze, but kills germs too!).

5. Lysol Mold and Mildew Complete Clean (this stuff is fantastic on the tile/grout in our shower!).

6. Resolve Carpet/Fabric cleaner (works great at spot cleaning carseats too!).

7. Clorox Toilet Wand.

8. And the only hand soaps we use are the anti-bacterial foaming soaps from Bath and Body works. I just have to make sure they don't smell too girly!

Well that brings us to a close on this fascinating round of Q and A... hahaha! Hopefully, I didn't put you to sleep! What is on your "I use this" list??

Just like me.

2011-02-22T12:12:00.005-05:00

I very staunchly remember feeling a hint of relief when we found out I was pregnant with a boy. I was hoping/praying for a boy for a million reasons, but the number one reason is that I wanted a little boy to mirror the man I married. A son, just like his daddy. I've never met another man that could match Adam's intergrity, loyalty, determination, and "always do right" attitude. Any mother would want those qualities in her son... especially this mother! So I was thinking "yippee!!!" when we found out our little firstborn was going to be a boy. Ethan.

I thought, smooth ride. He will be just like his daddy.

My prayers remain for him to grow into a man of intergrity, determination, loyalty and "always do right" attitude (however, not much of that can be judged in these toddler years). But what has become more and more evident is a shocker I didn't see coming as we watch Ethan grow and his personality develop more and more....

He is just like me.

Feisty.
Stubborn.
Relentless.
Charming.
Dramatic.
Loud.
Sneaky.

Oh great.

I thought I was in the clear. But not only does he have my face (per our baby pictures), but he's got my personality. The whole kit and kaboodle! Yeah... I just didn't see that coming. Oh goodness. We're in trouble!

Or maybe not.

I'm feisty, but Adam says it's a perfect combination for my tender-heart.
I'm stubborn, but I've been told I'm brave.
I'm relentless, and I don't give up when I believe in something.
I was a little "charmer" as a little kid, which has made me an outgoing adult.
I'm dramatic, but protective of those I care about.
I'm loud, but that just means I'm excited!
And I've been known to be a bit sneaky, but that just means I'm perceptive!

I also try to have a "roll with the punches" kind of attitude. I've been told that my "spiritual gift" is encouragement. And my lips are sealed when it comes to my friends needing a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.

So... I continue to pray (desperately!) that Ethan becomes the man his daddy is. But I'm thinking that though we will have our hands full with this little guy and his big personality, maybe having a hint of his mama in him isn't as bad as I originally feared.

"There, but for the grace of God, go I."

A few of my favorite things.

2011-02-12T11:41:00.002-05:00

Right now, anyway....

1. NCIS (not the LA version, the original. I just can't help myself. Complete addict.)

2. Regular Dr. Depper, no longer the diet version. I found that I was getting more frequent headaches everytime I drank Diet Dr. Pepper (which was often!). But since I can't kick the soda habit completely, I switched back to regular Dr. Pepper (after being off of it for 5 years - yes it took me THAT long to consider that the Diet drink could have been causing headaches... oh well!) and so long random headaches! Whew! I will always be a Dr. Pepper gal in one way or another.... I can't help it. I was raised on the stuff!

3. Andy Andrews and his books, "The Noticer" and "The Traveler's Gift". I had an opportunity to hear him speak a few months ago and then got his books shortly thereafter. I also have his book "The Boy Who Changed the World" for reading to Ethan when he is a little older. Such a great speaker. Such a great testimony. Such a great author. I'm a huge fan! http://www.andyandrews.com/

4. Parenting (the early years) Magazine.

5. My MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). Ethan plays with kids his own age and I eat breakfast and chat and do fun stuff with other moms of young ones). A nice 2 and 1/2 hour break (every other Tuesday) for everyone! By the way, they are nation-wide, so search their site to see if there's a group near you! http://www.mops.org/

6. Hershey Kisses with Almonds.

7. Chuck E. Cheese with Ethan. He has SO much fun there! And it's cheap fun! Basically, a quarter a game!

8. Trader Joe's Meatballs (in their frozen section). I love that Ethan will actually eat them. He loves dipping them in ketchup.

9. Mid Nite herbal sleep remedy. I am a terrible sleeper. Takes me about an hour and a half to fall a sleep each night, so I usually have to take a Tylenol PM to help. Until my friend (who is a nurse) told me about Mid Nite (got it at Target for $6.99). She takes it and I started too.... much better and easier to fall asleep and fall back asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night (which I always do). It's got a little Melatonin in it and a few other herbs. All I know is I slept like a baby last night.

10. My electric griddle.

Be the seed.

2011-02-06T15:42:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason, the other day while I was driving (some of my most profound thinking happens while I'm in the car) a random thought came into my mind. I remembered back in the early days of Ethan's cancer diagnosis, when things were still so dark and grim, and a dear lady in our church came up to me and gave me a gift. Ethan was 3 or 4 months old and her gift included clothes for Ethan, sized 6 to 9 months. I opened it there in front of her and I cried when I saw the sizes. I knew isntantly what she was telling me. And I looked up at her and she said, "for him to grow into".

She was my seed.

That single act gave me permission to hope. Permission to have faith. If I was afraid to believe that we would get a miracle, her giving me clothes 3 to 6 months bigger than my child was at the time, told me she believed. She was confident that he would be alive to use them.

And he was.

Sometimes when we are knee deep in a trial.... knee deep in our overwhelming world.... sometimes it takes someone else to help us "see". See what we want to see, but don't allow ourselves to because of fear or doubt.

The Bible talks about in Matthew 17:20 that if we have as much faith as even the size of a mustard seed, great a mighty things are possible. But I speak from experience knowing that even if we wanted to have our unbelief dissipated by hope and faith, sometimes we need a jumpstart. We are fearful of being wrong, or fearful of even thinking we actually could get what we would hope for. We really can become too afraid or too depressed to muster up the courage. We wouldn't dare get our hopes up for fear we might be wrong.

But that's where you come in.

If all it takes is a "mustard seed" for faith to move mountains, then why not be the seed for someone else. Give them permission to look past the clouds of doubt. Give them permission to have faith. I assure you that is the best type of gift you could give someone who is walking a dark, lonely road.

That sweet soul who gave me clothes for Ethan to grow into during a time when we weren't sure how long he might live (everything was from week to week at that point), sparked in me one thing.... Faith. And the Lord used many others along the way who helped keep that fire ablaze in me.

How many times have I neglected to "be the seed" for someone I know is struggling with a family trial, miscarriage, loneliness, illness, or any other personal struggle because I didn't want to deal with an "awkward" situation? How many times have I avoided encouraging someone who may need a light amid their darkness because I just "didn't know what to say". Or because I "didn't want to make it worse for them".

I get in my own way quite a bit. I don't like awkward situations. Who does? It's uncomfortable. And we don't like being out of our comfort zone. But how might I have spiraled out of control in my fear in those early days with Ethan had someone been too afraid to approach me with encouragement. Trust me, the person going through the trial feels a lot more awkward being avoided than you would by reaching out to them.

Be the seed.

Ignite a mustard seed sized faith in someone. Your loving act would most likely provide just enough light for the person to actually see hope. And when we have hope, life changing faith is not far behind.

Prayers for Derek Avilez

2011-01-31T15:12:00.000-05:00

My heart has been heavy for this man and his family since my friend emailed me about their situation. This father of 3 was dangerously hurt in a skiing accident. I have pleaded with the Lord for his healing, even though I don't know him personally.... he is the same age as my husband.... and with his wife and the kids.... I just cannot imagine. I will share with you the email that was sent to me and I ask you to please pray for Derek and his healing. Pray also for his wife and their kids. You can follow them on facebook by searching for "Prayers for Derek Avilez".

Dear Family and Friends, I have an urgent prayer request to share with you all...at the end of October, my cousin Renelle's 32 year old son Derek (on my dad's side),had an accident, while ski boarding, that left him paralyzed from the neck down. He has been in the hospital on a respirator since then. Derek and his wife, Priscilla, have 3 young children ages 6, 4, and 2 yrs. old. He is a Fireman Paramedic in Hollywood, FL. His most urgent need is to be able to get off the respirator. He cannot be transferred to a rehab where he can begin intense physical therapy to hopefully regain use of his limbs until he can breathe on his own. He has been able to be off for longer and longer periods of time, and recently began to move his left leg! Of course the best outcome would be for him to fully recover and return to his family and job, In other words, he needs a miracle in his life. Since we know that our God still performs miracles, we are asking you to please pray for Derek, and his family during this most difficult trial they have ever faced. They are trusting the Lord to show His mercy and perfect will through it all, as they do with all areas of their lives. They have no doubt that He is in control and that, as with all things, His timing is perfect. I thank you on their behalf for your prayers. I asked Renelle if I couold share the website they have set up for Derek on FB and her reply was "Yes, please do, and THANK YOU!." He sees the messages and is encouraged by them. Renelle updates his progress often. Here it is: Prayers for Derek Avilez. There are family photos, so you can picture who you are praying for...there is even a short video. And you will see the verse that he has claimed. Again, I thank you.

Perspective

2011-01-25T11:18:00.001-05:00

I know I promised some post-Christmas and post-birthday pictures of Ethan, but I haven't had time to download them from my camera yet, so until then, how about a dose of brutal honesty.

It's only 11:00 in the morning and I've already lost it. My sanity. My patience. My resolve. I could blame the fact that my child has been up before 5:00 AM the last several mornings, thus making for a LONG rest of the day.... but even still.... I am the adult and I know better.

I know better than to get into a screaming match with a three year old. But I did it this morning.

I know better than to put expectations on a child that he could never really live up to. But I did it this morning.

I know better than to try to reason with a cranky and over-tired three year old. But I did it this morning.

I know better than to try to have a "teachable moment" when my patience was no where to be found. But I did it this morning.

I know better than getting so worked up about things beyond my control. But I did this morning.

*Sigh*

Not a great start to the day. But such is the life of a stay at home mom at times. Such is the life of any mother at times. But talk about a dose of perspective that hit me when I read this poem today:

A young mother writes to me: "I know you've written before about the empty-nest syndrome -- that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now, I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you.''

So I told her again.... OK. One of these days you'll explode and shout to the kids, "Why don't you grow up and act your age?"

...and they will.

OR

"You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don't slam the door!"

...and they don't.

You'll straighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy -- bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say out loud, "Now I want it to stay this way.''

...and it will.

You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, "Now, there's a meal for company.''

...and you'll eat it alone.

You'll say: "I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do your hear?''

...and you'll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghtetti.

No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms.

No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps.

No more clothespins under the sofa.

No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent.

No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms.

No more iron-on-patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it.

No baby sitter for New Year's Eve.

Washing only once a week.

Seeing a steak that isn't ground.

Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.

No PTA meetings.

No car pools.

No blaring radios.

No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night.

Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste.

No more sloppy oatmeal kisses.

No more tooth fairy.

No giggles in the dark.

No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?'' and the silence echoing,

"I did."

by Erma Bombeck

Since we're snowed in... again...

2011-01-18T14:32:00.005-05:00

I decided it has been long overdue since I gave an update on all that Ethan is up to lately. And since we are snowed in - for the second time in two weeks - I figured now is just as good of time as any!

Wait, speaking of the snow, if you're not in the northeast, then I thought I'd give you a few pics of the crazy amount of snow we've been getting lately. Last week alone we got 25 1/2 inches at our house (yes, that's over two feet!!)... then today, we got several more and freezing rain. Seriously... the amount of snow on the ground is nothing short of small mountains.... and it will likely be June before it's all melted!

This is what we woke up to the morning of our snow storm last week. That would be my husband's car.... and note that I said this was early in the morning. It snowed the entire rest of the day after that!?

This is another view of the morning snow,

after my hubby shoveled out our walk way.

It was still coming down, though you can't tell in this picture.

This was later in the afternoon. Our patio was completely covered to say the least. The three ""humps" you see in the back is our patio furniture, and Ethan has two tricycles that are hidden under all of that snow somewhere.

This is a view of our front yard

from the sidewalk after my lovely

husband shoveled the sidewalks... again.

Ethan wasn't a huge fan of touching the snow,

but he enjoyed running on the sidewalks after all of Adam's hard work.

That would be our front yard on the left, then the street is on the right

(you can barely see it poking out of all of the snow piles!).

Different angle. Front yard on the right now, street on the left.

Brrrrrr!!!!

As for what's new with Ethan... can you believe he will be THREE years old on Sunday!? So amazing to me. Especially in light of everything I've been re-reading from my old blog during those cancer days. We are literally living out the answers to prayers that were prayed back then. So amazing. And he is such a firecracker! Definitely full of life and spunk! He is so funny! He has us rolling last night because I caught him putting goldfish crackers down his diaper. I said, "What are you doing?!". He just looked at me casually and said, "I give golefish to wee wee". As if that were a completely normal and logical thing to do. I couldn't stop laughing at the whole exchange all night long after he went to bed. The way his little mind works leaves me in giggles constantly.

He is also in a toddler bed now. A couple of weeks ago, while still in a crib, my hubby and I hear a "thud" in the middle of the night. Ethan's bedroom is right across the hall from ours, so we jump out of bed and by the time we get to his door, Ethan opens his door and there he is.... completely naked. I had to adjust my sleepy eyes and wonder what in the world had just happened. The best I can figure, he took off his pj's.... then his diaper.... then threw them out of the bed. Then proceeded to climb out of the crib. I said, "What are you doing out of bed??". He said very casually, "To see mommy n daddy". Then I said, but "why did you take off your clothes and your diaper??", and he looked annoyed at my question and said, "I done know". We didn't let on that we thought it was funny, because we didn't want an encore every night following.... but later Adam and I were dumbfounded by his whole demeanor. Such a funny kid! He climbed out one more night and bruised his chin in the process (but heeded our warning and kept his clothes on!), so we decided making the transition to a toddler bet was in order. Thankfully his crib turns into a toddler bed, so we adjusted it so that he wouldn't get hurt climbing out. And let me tell you he has LOVED his big boy bed! And I LOVE the nifty lock I found for his door so that he can't open it all of the way should he get out in the middle of the night and accidentally take a tumble down the stairs!

He is still loving preschool and talks about his teachers all of the time. He goes twice a week in the mornings. It's been great for both of us! His eating habits are improving (he is obsessed with the chips and salsa - minus the salsa - from Chili's and On the Border) and so is his talking (he repeats everything! He has started saying "Oh My Goodness" because he hears me say it all of the time)! He can talk in sentences that make sense, and he can talk in sentences that don't even resemble english, but he is improving so much each month that goes by! Not really potty trained yet, but he will do it sometimes. I intend to focus more on that in the near future. His favorite shows lately are Caillou, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Einsteins, and he still asks for the Wiggles, Sesame Street, Barney and Blues Clues too.

He LOVES to sing. Every Sunday night in church the little kids sit with their family and during the worship time Ethan is singing right along with everyone. He doesn't know the words, but he "sings" at the top of his lungs anyway! He is also very much into sports... not surprising knowing who his daddy is. But he loves to shoot hoops, hit balls with his bat and golf clubs, and loves kicking the soccer ball. Which of course all thrill Adam! Oh and he loves hide and seek lately. Just this morning he said it was my turn to count and as I started counting he interrupted me and asked me where he should hide. It was so funny.

It's so interesting to see his personality come out in distinct ways at such an early age. Of course, like with every toddler he gets bored easily, but he is very energetic and independent (a little too much of both sometimes!). And very meticulous when it comes to a "project" he is working on (like with his puzzles or stickers). Oh and did I mention he is very loud? Very. Loud. Full of spunk, that kid!

All in all, we are doing well. Cold, but doing well! I have lots of pictures from Christmas and I am sure I will have even more after his birthday this weeked, so I will just have to get busy posting some for you soon!

Blog Overload!

2011-01-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

It would appear that I've neglected my blog the last few days, but truthfully, I feel like I've been in "blog overload" this past week! Why? Well, I've been re-reading (and editing!) my other blog (that I kept during our days of Ethan's cancer diagnosis and treatment and recovery). It's been quite an emotional week for me as I relive so many things from 2008 and 2009. So much I remember. Yet so much I had forgotten. But the underlying truth is evident throughout each post I wrote and now have reflected on.... God's goodness never stopped. His care and provision for our family - and specifically our baby - was completely evident every step of the way. I've re-read prayers I wrote back then when Ethan was only 8 months old.... prayers I wanted to experience with him as he got older..... and now with Ethan only weeks away from turning three years old, I've already experienced the answers to those prayers. It's so sweet to my soul. So amazing to even comprehend. I look back at the prayers and cries of my heart over the life of my son.... and experience today the actual answers to those prayers.

You can see how my emotional state has been a bit overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed in beautiful and amazing ways, though.

I have so much more I could say right now, but the reason I say I've been "editing" my other blog is because I'm submitting the blog in book form to a writing contest being held by a major Christian publishing house. I received the contest information a few months ago, but decided against it. It just wasn't something I was going to pursue. But long story short, I found the "invitation" again and felt the Lord's prodding to "just do it" and leave the details to Him. The problem is the deadline is Saturday, so I've been working hard to get it all ready by then.... throw in a major snow storm, migraines, a toddler needing attention, etc. and well, I'm only half way done.... Oh and toss in the emotional aspect.... it's not exactly easy to just throw it all together. And I have no idea what will come of it. I really have no expectation. I'm just trying to be obedient to the Lord's tug at my heart. Do I think I will win the contest and get a book deal? No. I really don't. I actually feel very inadequate. But I've always felt that it was important to spread the word of the work God did in our lives and in Ethan's life...because we all the need the hope of a miracle.... so I trust He will continue to use our story however He desires. And that's good enough for me!

Update on Audrea

2011-01-07T05:15:00.002-05:00

Back in August I asked for prayer for Audrea, my friend from college who had a horrible mistake happen to her during a surgical procedure following her miscarriage. For those who did see that post, or in case anyone is fuzzy on the details - here is a recap...

Audrea Medina was excited to be pregnant with her 4th child. She went to her routine 15 week check up and discovered that her baby had miscarried at approximately 12 weeks. She was scheduled to have a “routine” DNC where she went to the appointment and woke up in the ICU fighting for her life. During the DNC her uterine wall was punctured and about 95% of her small intestines sucked out. She now lives on an IV bag called TPN (Total Parenteral Nutrition) to survive. She is unable to eat much at all and is unable to absorb nutrients on her own at this time. Life for Audrea will never be the same. She is now facing a five year life expectancy on the TPN in which her choices are to either move forward with a transplant or a rehabilitation program. The rehabilitation program gives the hope that through steroid medication and special dieting God will heal the remaining portion of her small intestine and allow it to grow and absorb nutrients without the TPN.

The situation is heartbreaking, yet hopeful. Her prayer that she will not need the risky transplant but instead will be able to enroll in the rehabilitation program. Right now she can not afford the program on Medicaid alone. We are hoping to help raise funds needed for this option. This family is living on donations from their church, family and friends.

I have 3 simple requests for anyone out there who reads my blog.

1. Go visit this website and see their video http://www.hergutshisglory.com/

2. Donate whatever you can to this family (see website for details). Trust that the Lord would reward whatever sacrifice you make on behalf of Him. And trust me, helping to meet the needs of His children is just as if you were helping God Himself. Ask me for a list of verses if you don't believe either one of those last 2 sentences! Give like you'd hope someone would give to you and your family if you were in a situation in which your family literally depended on the kindness of others.

And 3. Pray for a miracle. What would you do if you were told you had a 5 year life expectancy. That would make my little boy only 8 years old. I wouldn't be around to see him turn 9? Not around to see him make the Varsity basketball team? Not around to drop him off on his first day of college? Not around to meet the girl who steals his heart? I can't even bear the thoughts.... I'm crying now just imagining it..... but as of right now, it's not us that has been given that news. It's Audrea. Pray for her like you'd want someone to pray for you if you were in her shoes. In fact, pray the only way you'd want someone praying for you.... desperately and faithfully!

The best is yet to come!

2011-01-03T14:25:00.005-05:00

I have to shake my head in a sort of awe struck state that we are actually in 2011 right now. My baby was born in 2008 and yet that seems like only yesterday! There's a reason your parents and grandparents always say "time flies" or "it all goes by so fast"... because indeed it does! So much life has happened in what seems like such little amounts of time. Granted, they don't seem so fast-flying at the time, but it always does when looking back. Let's do a mini-rewind.....

1999 - Graduate from Highschool

2003 - Graduate from College

2004 - Met future hubby, moved across the country, got engaged

2005 - Got married and enjoyed spontaneous vacations/trips with the hubby.

2006 - Adjusted to all the rapid change that had taken place and enjoyed even more spontaneous vacations/trips with the hubby.

2007 - Got pregnant (which could also be stated: Got the sickest I'd ever been in my life, for 25 straight weeks! no, not "morning sickness" this was full-blown-all-day-everyday-pull-over-on-the-side-of-the-road-make-a-bed-in-the-bathroom-and-think-you're-going-to-die kind of sick!)

2008 - Had my baby boy, found out he had cancer, endured a whirlwind of treatments, hospitals, doctors, transfusions, bone marrow transplant AND about a thousand miracles all along the way - eventually including my baby moving from "cancer patient" to "cancer survivor".... (and still going strong!). Oh and husband slicing open his hand on Thanksgiving resulting in 2 seperate trips to the ER and a major surgery - not to mention a pretty impressive scar!

2009 - Ethan moves into a more normal life with no more medications and fewer cancer check ups! Life settles down for our family and we buy a house!

2010 - Ethan has his first non-cancer trip to the ER with a busted chin - needed stitches and I felt an odd sense of pride at his first rite of passage as a normal little boy. I had a pretty invasive surgery to repair damage that was caused by my lovely delivery of that little boy - resulting in 8 weeks of mild bed rest and no lifting, which meant help was needed basically daily with Ethan. Had abrupt changes in my family. Made fun upgrades to the house. Ethan started pre-school. I was pregnant again, then lost the baby in miscarriage. Turned 30 and loved celebrating it!

Of course that is all the mini-versions of each year.... the highlights that stand out in my mind right now. And now we here we are 2011. Based on how each year has always ended up surprising me in the past, I have no doubt 2011 will be any less uneventful. I do prefer good events as opposed to bad ones, but I've learned that God gives you all the grace you need to get through those moments you'd rather not encounter. I've also learned that if we didn't have low points.... difficulty.... we'd never fully learn what it means to be truly grateful.

I label 1999-2007 my years of growth!

I label 2008-2009 my years of grace... given everything we went through with Ethan and how beautifully we witnessed God's hands working in each detail. Truly understanding His grace and actually seeing it unfold.

I label 2010 my year of gratitude because.... well, I've just truly been grateful for all the good and grateful that the Lord has gotten me through the not-so-good.

And I anticipate 2011 will bring another dose of whatever it is I need to keep becoming the woman I was created to be... and as a side note, I think it's fun my birthday will be 11-11-11 this year! (You know, November 11, 2011). If I was a bettin' woman, I'd say this means it's to be my best year yet!

Amen to that...

Welcome 2011!

2010-12-29T16:29:00.004-05:00

I doubt I've ever stuck to a New Year's Resolution for an entire year, but it's fun coming up with a whole set of new ones every time a new year comes around, right? So here we go!

My goals for 2011....

1. To keep our dining room table and kitchen counters a bit more clutter-free than I did in 2010. Which is no easy job, I assure you. Open spaces are prime targets for grocery bags, diaper bags and purses. Just all kinds of "stuff". Right?? But not 2011. Nope... in 2011 my motto will be "a place for everything and everything in it's place".

2. I will actually put away clean laundry once it's clean instead of letting it sit on one of the beds for several days, or ahem, a week. Well, let me tweak that one a little bit... I will put away clean laundry at least within 24 hours of washing it! (gotta be realistic here!)

3. I will actually finish a book before starting another one. I think I am in the process of reading about 5 books right now. I need to focus a bit more on finishing one!

4. I will come up with more creative lunches for Ethan to devour. The trick will be getting him to actually eat them..... too bad I can't create New Year's Resolutions for my nearly 3 year old. They would of course include less reasons for needing to be disciplined, more adventurous eating, and sleeping later than 5:45 in the morning. Too bad a 3 year old doesn't think like his mom.

But I digress.... moving on....

5. I always buy vitamins that I never take. I always buy "healthy foods" that I never eat. So the moral of this story is don't buy vitamins and don't buy healthy food. Ok, ok... just kidding. I resolve to be a little more healthy in 2011. OK wait.... nevermind. I would rather just resolve to stop buying stuff I'll never use!

6. While I'm at it, why not throw in the obligatory "go to the gym more often".... I do have a gym membership afterall. And I think I even remember how to get there!

7. And.... well, I think 6 is enough, right? I mean, life is busy and hectic, so let's not over-do-it here.... I mean, my hubby will be thrilled if I just stick to the first two! So.... yes.... this is a good stopping point!

Happy New Year!

I Believe

2010-12-20T13:49:00.002-05:00

In a land far away

Time stood still.

Long ago there were shepherds in fields

This is how the story goes...

Woman with child.

And a man with no room.

So, born in a manger the story would go.

Yes this is how the story goes,

But it is more than a fable.

And it’s more than a fairytale.

And more than my mind can conceive.

I believe the wiseman saw the baby born,

The angels called the Son of God.

Heaven’s child.

The great I Am.

Born to take away my sins through nailed pierced hands,

Emmanuel has come...

I believe two thousand years still the story lives on.

God’s gift to us sent to earth wrapped in flesh,

His only Son...

And the heartbeat of heaven

Confounded our wisdom...

But it’s still the simple truth

That sets me free.

And I believe...

Precious Child, how can it be that God’s great plan

For His story would send You to the lonely tree.

That you would come for one like me...

I believe in a cross.

I believe He came For one,

and He came for all.

Heavens Child became a plan.

Gave His life for me In spite of all I am.

I believe....

Yes, I believe that through Jesus

Christmas lives in you, in me.

-Natalie Grant

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

This little boy LOVES to sing!

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This is Ethan singing with his Sunday School class at Church last Sunday.

He remembered all of the words and motions to the Christmas songs... It was precious!

Before December 15th...

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The Company I work for (Blessings Unlimited) is having a HUGE sale for the end of 2010 on items in our current Fall/Winter Catalog.... some items up to 81% off! And orders placed by December 15th will arrive before Christmas (we ship super fast!). So take a look around and find that perfect gift for the loved one on your list.... or maybe even for yourself! My clients love the items we carry at Blessings Unlimited. Everything is encouraging, uplifting and simply beautiful! I would love to add you to the list of satisified customers!

To shop my online catalog click my link below. Look for the blue "shop online" tab at the top, then be sure to check out the online special and sale sections!

www.kaseyk.blessingsdirect.com

There's A LOT more where these came from...... so go take a peek!

www.kaseyk.blessingsdirect.com

Order by the 15 for "before Christmas" delivery!