farewell my friends!

Hello dear blogosphere.... this is my 200th post from this blog (and 450th post with my two blogs combined!!). It's amazing to think about the fact that I've been "blogging" about my life for going on 4 years. It started out as an amazing tool for me to sort through my thoughts and emotions as our baby was fighting for his life through infant leukemia. And it was incredible to me how our first blog had viewers (and prayer warriors!) from all over the world! The fact that there were people in every state of the USA as well as people in various other countries were following our story kept me in awe time and time again (I had a site meter that would tell me the locations of people who read our blog - seriously amazing). Many of you stayed with us through the dark times and rejoiced with us in the wonderful times! And as a result, I started this blog as a new chapter of our life after our miracle.

I have always enjoyed the process of writing, so keeping up a blog has been so much fun... I feel a sense of fulfillment putting my thoughts on paper (or um, on computer). And I've very much enjoyed letting you all in on the crazy and wacky (and sometimes reflective) elements of me and my family! We certainly give proof to the cliche "never a dull moment".

But....

(you knew a "but" was coming, didn't you??)

The truth is, I just don't have the time to keep up with the blog world these days. It's a sad thing for me to have to admit, but... it's time. My spare time is sparse these days, and when I do have a free moment "blogging" just doesn't seem to fit into the schedule. Thank goodness Facebook provides me the sharing outlet I still crave, (and I won't be giving up THAT addiction anytime soon!), otherwise I'd feel way too disconnected from the social media world!

But I couldn't leave without first saying THANK YOU to those long time readers who have cried with us, prayed with us and laughed with us. I have truly appreciated your loyalty in more ways than words could properly express. It's been a wonderful 4 years... and I've been amazed at the level of intimacy I've been able to share with each of you. Thank you for enjoying this as much as I have.

I leave you with one final "treat" that I posted on facebook earlier today... it gives a good idea of what (or shall I say, who...) keeps me so busy these days!

When you hear your 4 year old son yell out to you from the bathroom, "mom, my wee wee is broken" you aren't quite sure what you will find when you walk in there. However, when your bare foot steps into a large puddle on the bathroom floor you understand immediately that by "broken" he means it missed the toilet. Delightful.

Ah yes..... gotta love days like that, huh?!

Farewell my blog world friends. You've given a listening ear to anything I've ever wanted to share. And that acceptance has been a very special thing.

Stay authentic, folks!

XOXO

confusing!

As Ethan's language skills and his understanding of things develops more and more... I find myself often frustrated - no, that's too strong - I find myself scratching my head a lot about how confusing our language can be. I know full well he will grow up and know that when the cashier behind the counter says, "that'll be $4 bucks", Ethan won't assume he means 4 male deer.

However....

Right now, he gets confused quite a bit.

And with good reason!

"Ethan, can you grab mommy one of those napkins. I need one, too."
He hands me two napkins. He heard "too" and thought I meant "two".

We passed a plant/tree nursery on our way to his preschool the other day and he asked what it was. Not thinking, I said, it's a nursery. He said, "I not see any babies there".

Don't get me started on the conversation we had about "see" and "sea" last year. Or what about the "through" and "threw" mishap that we encountered when he was two years old. (We were walking to a trash can on the other side of this doctor's office building. I said, go through that hall right there. He looked at me like, "are you sure??" And I urged him to YES go through the hall. Well, he "threw" his trash in the hall.)

And I think the most confusing for him, as of late, was when I was reading a book to him (that he got for his birthday). It was a book about barn animals, and about a bat that lived in the barn. Well, when I read the word "bat", Ethan called me out on it. "Momma! I not see a baseball bat on the picture!". Oh. Um, well "bat" also means this type of animal (and I pointed to the picture). He said, "so there is an animal bat AND a baseball bat?". Yep. And of course, he accepted it. Because kids are just sponges that way, taking everything at face value. But my goodness - all these same sounding words that mean different things make a mom of toddler/preschoolers have to come up with creative ways of explaining "why" that is!

Amen!

January 31st was Ethan's annual cancer check up at the Boston Children's Hospital (aka: The Jimmy Fund Clinic). We decided to make a day of it and we stopped at our favorite mall up there and stuffed ourselves full of Chick-fil-a! Ethan enjoyed the adorable play area at the mall as well! Then over to the hospital we went.

And even though I fully believe in the miracle we received over Ethan's healing, I still hold my breath just a little bit when they draw his blood to check for any cancer (or other concerns). It's an on-going stretching of my faith and gives me a renewed opporunity to thank the Lord for the blessings thus far in Ethan's life. We wait there for the results before making the two hour drive back home, and I praise the Lord, once again, that Ethan's results were perfectly healthy!

I captured a few moments of our day.

The "kick-full-ay" mall as Ethan calls it...



Having his oxygen levels checked...



Ethan was already starting to get nervous about the blood draw when the nurse was checking his blood pressure, so she gave him a teddy bear to try to help him feel better. It was so sweet!



And he LOVED the bear - almost as much as I love awesome nurses!



And then it was time for them to draw blood. Ethan winced and wiggled a little bit, but then he was so brave. Didn't even cry! Such a big boy...

Psalm 30:10-12

¹⁰ Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me!
O LORD, be my helper!”

¹¹ You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
   You have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
¹² that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

John 11:3-4

³ So the sisters sent to Him, saying,

“Lord, he whom You love is ill.”

⁴ But when Jesus heard it He said,

“This illness does not lead to death.

It is for the glory of God,

so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

lesson learned

There is a guy who is always standing at the same intersection with a homeless sign. I try to keep a tenderness towards the needy, but this guy's goatee is just a bit too manicured for me to think he is as needy as his sign indicates. I tend to ignore him. Ethan was with me yesterday when we stopped at the red light at "his" intersection. Ethan asked, "mom, what that man doing?". I told him that he was holding a sign asking people for help because he didn't have food and he didn't have money. Ethan, still staring at the man, then asked, "mom, do WE have food and money?" It quieted my judgemental side when I heard the innocence in his questions. "Yes, honey, we have money and we have food." "But that man not have it, mom?" "No, he says he doesn't." "So who going to help him, mom?"

Just then the light changed.

And so did my attitude.

As a Christian, it is not up to me to discern or judge who I think is deserving - of anything. The Bible, with regard to this topic, tells me repeatedly.....

Luke 14:13
But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind...

2 Corinthians 8:9
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.

James 2:1-8
¹ My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. ² For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, ³ and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” ⁴ have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? ⁵ Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? ⁶ But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? ⁷ Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called? ⁸ If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well.

______________________________________

It's not up to me to judge the legitimacy of the circumstance. It's not up to me to determine if that man on the corner truly is homeless or if he's running a scam. It's only up to me to maintain a tenderness toward the Lord's leading. Give. Help. Share. That's what is expected of me. So, thanks to the humbling reminder from my 4 year old... I will give. Help. And share.

If the person/organization on the receiving end isn't in the "right". If they are scamming or taking advantage of a situation - I still gain the blessing of having sacrificed and given. They are the ones who will receive the repercussions for their dishonesty.

That's the Lord's job. Not mine.

With this renewed perspective, I can freely give, and pass down to my son that YES we will help him. Moreover, we SHOULD be helping him. And imagine the joy we'd have passed on to the man (or anyone in that situation) when we acknowledge their need... their pain. Regardless of the reason they are where they are. It's not up to me. He might just go buy beer with the money we give. It's not up to me. He might be living in a house bigger than mine. It's not up to me. There may be reasons an employer won't hire him. It's not up to me. None of that should matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is that I show love and kindness without partiality - and give with a heart that desires to please the Lord.

Of course, my 4 year old doesn't know that he taught me a humbling lesson that day, but lesson learned nonetheless.

Understanding that judgement isn't ours to give.

But generosity, kindness and love always are.

snow angel

Aside from the freakish snow storm we got in October (that knocked trees and fences down and killed everyone's electricity for a week!), the snow this winter has been abnormally light - which suits me just fine! I don't mind snow as long as it melts after a few days. But a typical January up here usually means PILES of snow for weeks and weeks before the temps get warm enough to melt it. But like I said, so far, that hasn't been a problem..... yet. 

Ethan hasn't been a fan of snow in years past. But this year he's been all about it!! And at the first sign of snow last week, he couldn't get his coat and gloves on fast enough. He saw someone make a snow angel on a Christmas movie and he wanted his chance! I thought his efforts were super cute! And he was so proud of himself.

And I was secretly happy to finally put some use to the snow boots I buy him every year!

Can it be?

Can it really have been 4 years ago?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 5:10pm

2008 was a long year for you and our family.

You've certainly been through quite a lot in your little life...

(here at 3 months old at Connecticut Children's Hospital)

(and here at 6 months old in Boston Children's Hospital)

... but oh the miracles we've seen!

This was us celebrating your FIRST birthday!!

Such a beautiful day it was... you were one year old

AND in full remission of cancer!

We made up for lost time in 2009! As you can see on the pictures below,

 mommy's camera had the wrong date stamp on it,

because you were just a baby in June 2008 - in a hospital bed, very sick.

However, June 2009, you were a lively little boy,

very excited with curiosity!

As a two year old in 2010 you kept us laughing!

 For example, you were obsessed with putting stickers EVERY WHERE!

We got to participate in so many wonderful things.

We started our tradition of going out to eat after church each Sunday

AND you were invited to be the Leukemia and

Lymphoma Society's Boy of the Year. The folks at one of the

events got such a kick out of you and your footed pajamas!

But it was a LATE night, so we were getting you ready

for bed before we headed back home.

And 2011 - wow, what a vibrant three year old you were!

You started talking and saying some of the cutest things. You're so smart in what you can remember and comprehend. It amazes us! There was potty training, painting, trips to the library, preschool and our annual Leukemia Lymphoma Cancer Walk.

(And SO much more!)

And here we are today... 2012 and you are four years old. My little baby is four years old. I can't guarantee a lot in this life time, but I can guarantee you this, sweet boy, every year that this day comes around you will see your mommy crying. Just as I am as a I type these words. Not because I'm sad that you're growing up, but instead, crying in amazement that you ARE. They told us you had a 20% chance of surviving the type of leukemia you had. I didn't know if I'd ever see you walk. Or talk. Or swing a bat. Or shoot a basketball. Or go to preschool. Or play with friends. Or sleep in a "big boy" bed. Or grow up. And by the grace of God, I've seen you do all of those things and more... 

You LOVE to pretend you're the church choir director. You will open any book you can find and pretend it's a hymnal and you'll just make up words and act like you're sitting in the choir. You love to talk with daddy about all of the UCONN basketball players. You know all of their names and jersey numbers, and when they are playing a game on TV, you watch intently just like your daddy does. You ask him a million questions about the boys and the plays they are doing. You love to watch football with daddy, too. Right now, you say you're favorite team is the 49'ers. But we think you only say this because you love getting a rise out of daddy when you know he wants you to say the Giants!

You help put away the groceries. You love to make everything a contest (because you are quite competitive!). You love hide-n-seek. You're still a picky eater. You like to draw, but not necessarily like to color. You love to play with train tracks and race cars. You're obsessed with playing baseball, basketball, soccer, football - basically anything that lets you throw, hit or kick a ball! You love to make a tower with your books as you're finished reading them. You don't drink anything but water - you don't like milk or juice. You're about to have tubes put in your ears and your adenoids taken out as a result of the 8 ear infections you've had over the last year. You also had surgery to remove a cyst/tumor from your shoulder last year. You're always so brave. You go to bed around 8pm and you wake up at 6 AM every day (but you do still take a nap - thankfully!)

I have to laugh, because the older you get the more you're proving to be a strong-willed child - clearly that's the survivor in you! And though it's challenging some days for us to train that "will" into the right framework (yes I am fully stocked on all kinds of trusted resources and reading materials and prayer to help!), you are showing us every day how smart (you don't forget a thing!), feisty, compassionate, tough, fun-loving, structured (you are extremely routine-oriented!) and determined you are. All of which will be great assets in your future. Anytime you get in trouble, you always ask if we will forgive you. You cannot put yourself back at ease without asking us, "Mommy, are you happy?" or "Daddy, are you happy?". You have a strong desire for that relationship to be restored. It tells me so much about your heart. You've taught me so much about myself - and the love and mercy of God - and you're only four years old. Oh what must be in store for us in the future! I can already tell you how much I'm going to love 2012. I mean, it's the last time you'll ever be this age! And with the spunk you bring to each day...  well, let's just say, I am fully stocked on caffeine and I'm ready for all of the memory-making!

Happy Birthday, Ethan! We love you so much!!

And we indeed thank God for your life, this day, and every day.

the simple truth

I received this via email from a friend. I don't always have time to read through the various "forwards" I get, but I did happen to take the time to read this one. And it's just simple enough to actually be quite poignant. I hope it encourages you to remember that God's plan may not always make sense, and may even seem unfair at times, but His love is in His plan and He's always working with our best interest. Always.

For instance....

A king who did not believe in the goodness of God, had a slave who, in
all circumstances, said: My king, do not be discouraged, because
everything God does is perfect, no mistakes!

One day they went hunting and along the way a wild animal attacked the
king. His slave managed to kill the animal, but could not prevent his
majesty losing a finger.

Furious and without showing his gratitude for being saved, the nobleman
said "Is God good? If He was good, I would not have been attacked and
lost my finger."

The slave replied only "My king, despite all these things, I can only
tell you that God is good,and he knows the "why" of all these things.

What God does is perfect. He is never wrong!"
 
Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his slave.

Later, he left for another hunt and was captured by savages who made
human sacrifices.
As the savage was ready to sacrifice the noble on the altar, he saw that the
victim had a missing finger. They released the noble: they could not offer
an imperfect body to the gods.

Upon his return to the palace, the noble authorized the release of his slaveand he received him very affectionately.

My dear, God was really good for me! I was almost killed by the wild
men, but for lack of a single finger, I was let go! But I have a
question: If God is so good, why did he allow me to put you in jail?

My King, if I had gone with you in this hunt, I would have been
sacrificed for you, because I have no missing finger.

Therefore, remember: everything God does is perfect. He is never wrong.

Often we complain about life and things that happen to us apparently
negative, forgetting that nothing is random and that everything has a purpose.